


Follow You Into Hell

by eosaurora13



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: (be patient - some of these aren't here yet...), Aftermath of Torture, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Finn's an intelligent badass, Force-Sensitive Finn, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Torture, there will be a happy ending I promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-12 20:33:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5679778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eosaurora13/pseuds/eosaurora13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Resistance is fighting a war of intelligence and spies.  After the destruction of Starkiller Base, the Resistance flees to another planet, knowing it's only a matter of time until the First Order finds the new base.  While waiting for Finn to come out of his coma, Poe has to manage the hassle of moving an entire military base and dealing with the trauma of facing Kylo Ren.  Once Finn wakes up, it doesn't get easier for either of them.  Missions go wrong and people get killed, which puts the Resistance right where the First Order wants them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first dalliance into Star Wars (thanks to the Force Awakens). And I'll probably be on this a while so apologies to everyone still waiting on my other stories. I will get back to them - I promise.

The base fell into a flurry of activity following the destruction of Starkiller Base. Orders came down from Resistance leaders to pack up and ship out. Though their destination was need-to-know, everyone knew that they were moving bases. The First Order, though bruised and bleeding, still had enough teeth to cause problems now that they knew the primary location of the Resistance and now that the helping hand of the New Republic fleet had been eliminated.

Supply officers left first, leaving behind only a skeleton crew on D’Qar. Technical and medical crews followed and with them, their patients. Bacta tanks were loaded onto transport ships alongside those still healing from the Starkiller Base attack. 

Poe neglected his duties the day they loaded Finn onto a transport. In fact, he had been neglecting his duties more often than he would admit since they brought Finn back almost dead. The General tended to look the other way when it happened and today was no exception. Sometimes being the best pilot in the Resistance had its perks.

Leia accompanied him from the med-bay to the transport, saying nothing but offering her silent support as the doctors maneuvered Finn’s bed onto the ship. She stayed by the remaining crates as Poe walked beside Finn’s prone form up the loading ramp. Whatever words he whispered to his friend, she never heard and she pretended not to see him wipe his eyes when he approached her. “He’s in the best hands, Poe.”

His shoulders slumped, he merely nodded in polite agreement. A myriad of words he wanted to say but wouldn’t – not to her – flit through his brain and across his face. The General saw them all.

“You’ll be there when you can. That’s all anyone could ask,” she assured him, gripping his shoulder tightly.

“Hey, Poe!” his fellow pilot, Jessika Pava, called out from across the tarmac. “Need you to take a look at something!”

The General offered him an encouraging smile. “Work never ends, no matter how we’d like it to.” Though she kept her grief locked away, converted into an indomitable iron will, she let enough show so Poe would know he wasn’t alone.

Pava hollered again, drawing a weak smile from Poe. “That it doesn’t, ma’am.” He nodded at her and went to see what Jessika needed.

A fixed compression coil and a couple of oil leaks later found Poe loading nonessential supplies on another transport ship with no idea how exactly he’d gotten there. Without Finn there to draw on his time, Poe had too much time. Too much time to worry. The more he worked, then, the less he thought about the friend he’d sent to a world unknown.

Night fell as more ships took to the sky. The base emptied over the next few days. The remaining supply personnel swept the grounds to ensure they had left nothing behind. General Leia was among the last to leave, and Poe, as Black Leader, and the rest of his squadrons ran protection for her transport. 

With BB-8 beeping through the comlink, he powered his X-wing up. BB-8 beeped a question, the translation, though unnecessary, popping up on the ship’s display screen.

“Yeah, buddy, we’ll check on him soon as we land.”

BB-8 trilled happily.

Poe had to smile at its antics. Leave it to BB-8 to brighten his day, especially when he really needed it.

Leia’s ship transmitted the hyperdrive coordinates to the rest of the convoy. Plugging them into the X-wing’s computer, Poe launched the ship into hyperspace.

***

Mastala had nothing to its name besides rocks and ice. In no species’ eyes would the planet be considered remotely habitable. Poe had heard stories of the Rebellion’s desperate hide and seek with the Empire on Hoth and he remembered all too vividly the frigid surface of Starkiller. He shivered at the thought as he surveyed the desolate expanse of white below him.

The First Order could find them soon and chase them off this kriffin’ forsaken place if Poe had anything to say about it.

He eased his X-wing into the newly built hangar, landing it gently beside Snap’s and Jessika’s. BB-8 popped out of the ship as he slid down the ladder hastily attached for him.

A high-ranking officer, one Poe hadn’t seen before, approached the General’s ship. Poe made his way over to her, curious to hear what she had to say, BB-8 hot on his heels. She nodded at him, her lips quirking up at BB-8 rocking back and forth in his shadow. When the last of the General’s crew had disembarked, she spoke. 

“Welcome to Mastala. I am Cailleach Fraser and I’m responsible for keeping everyone alive while we’re on this rock.” She proceeded to describe the conditions on the planet and they were about as miserable as Poe assumed they would be. Aside from the general housekeeping rules, which had been the norm on D’Qar, she informed them that no personnel were allowed outside unless in specialized gear or ships. “If you have any questions, message me on the comm.” She looked around the hangar. “We’re gonna be here a while, folks, so get comfortable.”

She led them to the back of the hangar. “We go down from here.” As they descended the treacherous path of corridors, some natural and others built, she explained why they built so deep into the planet. Mastala had a system of naturally occurring caverns that maintained a fairly habitable temperature, especially when compared to those on the surface. Such a deep network also ensured some protection from aerial bombardment should the First Order decide to show up.

Poe had to admire the thought that went into their new base. Any idiot with eyes could see it would be one of the best places from which to launch a campaign against the First Order. Still, he had something else far more pressing on his mind.

Finished with her introductory speech, Cailleach waved the newcomers into the mess hall. From here, she would let the General take over. Poe shouldered through the dispersing throngs of people, BB-8 making good use of the gap he left in his wake. “Ms. Fraser,” he began.

Cailleach looked up from a supply datapad. “Mr. Dameron,” she greeted. “What can I do for you?”

He opened his mouth to reply but she beat him to it.

“Wait. That kid they brought in – Finn? They send you’d be asking about him.” She handed the pad to one of her supply coordinators. “I’ll take you to the med bay.”

“Is he – I mean, did he – ?”

She held a door open. “He’s stable but he’s still comatose.”

BB-8 beeped hesitantly, tilting its head to look up at Poe.

Cailleach tapped a code at another door as she led them deeper into the base before kneeling down in front of BB-8. “I wouldn’t worry so much. The docs seem a lot more hopeful about his chances than they usually are.” Standing, she pointed down the hallway revealed by the opened door. “Third door on your left.” She tapped on another pad. “They’re expecting you.”

Poe wasn’t sure what he expected when he walked into Finn’s room. It really wasn’t all that different from the one on D’Qar. A med bay was a med bay no matter its location. The harsh, sterile smell of bacta pervaded the room. He kept his breathing shallow to avoid it as much as possible. Between that and the sight of Finn still comatose on his bed, a machine carefully sounding out each beat of his heart, Poe’s chest tightened painfully.

“Hey, buddy,” he said, his voice hoarse.

BB-8 rolled into the room. Gears whirred as it looked up between Finn and Poe. It beeped sadly.

“Me too.”

One of the medical staff brought in a chair and handed it to him with a sympathetic smile. Nothing the Resistance had was built for comfort – if it functioned, it was used. Poe almost preferred to stand than sit in the chair he unfolded and dragged loudly next to Finn’s side. In the end, it might hurt his back less. 

BB-8 bumped him gently in the leg and motioned at the chair. When he didn’t move, the droid bumped into him a bit more forcefully.

“All right, all right, fine,” he acquiesced. “I’ll sit in the damn thing if it makes you happy.”

BB-8 trilled.

Poe shook his head but he sat down, if only to please it. The chair was about as comfortable as he thought it would be but his legs were glad for the reprieve. He might have been sitting in his X-wing but the cramped space did nothing to prepare him for the hike that was his entrance into the base. If the General required him for many missions before Finn woke, he would never be able to use his legs again.

He scooted the chair closer to the bed and reached for Finn’s hand without thinking. A lifetime of handling weapons had left calluses, thick and rough, and Poe ran his thumb over them, wishing their owner would wake so he could ask about them.

“You need to wake up, you know?” he told the prone form. “This place is bigger than anything and damn if I’m gonna explore it alone.” He sighed. “Miss you, buddy.”

A knock at the door startled him. He turned to see Pava standing there, her gaze on Finn. “How’s the kid?”

“Still fighting.”

She saw where Poe’s hand held Finn’s. _Oh, I hope you wake up soon_ , she thought. _Poe needs you._ She dug up another chair and sat it beside Poe. “Brought requisition forms and the like. Didn’t figure you’d have thought about them.”

He eyed the pile of datapads in her hands. “That’s a lot more than I remember needing to fill out for D’Qar.”

“Well, we have housing, medical, dietary restrictions – why that’s a separate form, I don’t know – ship registration, special clothing and gear requisition, and so on,” she ticked off as she flipped through them. “That Commander is on top of things, I’ll give her that.”

Poe reached for the form on top. He scanned the first page. “This is ridiculous.”

Pava huffed. “At least you’ll have something to do, you know, while you wait.” 

“The General can’t be happy with me practically sitting my on ass.”

She grasped his shoulder. “Poe, you haven’t stopped since Jakku. You’ve got a little leeway to do whatever the hell you want.” She dumped the rest of the pads in his lap. “Besides, she understands,” she added quietly.

Poe didn’t ask if the General understood his almost obsessive need to stay with Finn or his inability to close his eyes without seeing Kylo Ren’s face or hearing his voice twisting and coiling in his mind. 

Pava was standing, drawing his thoughts out of the darkness. “When you get those filled out, have BB-8 let me know. I’ll drop ‘em off for you.”

“Thanks, Testor.”

She waved him off. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t let it go to your head.”

When she was gone and once again he was left with only the sound of Finn’s mechanized heartbeat and the occasional beep from BB-8, he looked more closely at the forms she had left. Most of them were fairly standard and he filled them out with minimal thought. He bristled at having to list all the modifications to his X-wing so he left that blank. If the base’s commander took issue, she could deal with the General.

He sent BB-8 to find Pava once he had filled out everything he cared to. For the first time since arriving on Mastala, he was alone with the man who had saved his life – hell, who had saved the Resistance.

Every word he could think of sat on the tip of his tongue, begging to be said but refusing to leave his mouth. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I almost think you got the better end of the deal. You won’t remember any of this, will you? And hell, you’d hate this planet. Too much like Starkiller. I froze flying in just looking at it.”

He could almost see Finn’s smile.

The weariness that he’d kept at bay since Jakku finally crept up on him. Clutching Finn’s hand, to anchor himself and to maintain some awareness should Finn wake, Poe rested his head on his arms and fell asleep before he got comfortable.

Pava came in a short while later to find him still like that. She shook her head and went in search of a blanket. All she could find was a threadbare little thing and Poe’s – well Finn’s – jacket. She maneuvered the jacket onto Poe’s lap and the blanket over his shoulders. As she grabbed the forms and left, she saw BB-8 roll over to its master, glance between him and Finn, and power down.


	2. Chapter 2

_The warmth and humidity of the Yavin 4 jungle rolled over him as he walked outside. Trees grew wild and unhindered behind his house. They continually tried to overtake the house and only through the effort of his family, mostly his father, did the trees stay back. Living so close to the jungle, Poe often sat outside watching the animals flit among the branches. The birds were so colorful._

_He left the air conditioning of his house to walk the ground. The tree his mother had brought back from her travels cast shade over the grass. He first learned to fly under that tree’s shade with the old A-wing his mother had given him._

“Where is the map?”

_Kylo Ren stood underneath the tree. At his touch, he set it ablaze. Flames engulfed the tree, jumping to his house, the jungle behind it. His voice, distorted by the mask and the flames, called out…_

“The map. What did you do with it?”

_“They will burn. Your family, your home. I will see them burn unless you_ give me the map!”

Poe scrambled away from the fire. Pain erupted across his skin and behind his eyes. Half blind, he reached for a trash bin. He felt bed sheets and the metal of a hospital bed. His hand fell down beside him and, finding what he sought, he twisted and retched.

It left his throat burning and sore but that was real. Far more real, he told himself over and over, than the phantom pain left lingering from the nightmare.

BB-8 rolled over from the corner, beeping worriedly. It nudged his leg.

He flinched at the contact. Every nerve was on fire, the memory of Ren’s torture rubbing them raw. He had expected the General to be furious when they’d brought him back empty handed – there was certainly no lack of darker looks thrown his way – but she listened to his story, her face falling when he spoke of his encounter with Ren. He had glossed over the worst of it to spare both of them the pain of talking about it. She said nothing to chastise him, not like she had when he’d pulled some of his more reckless stunts. She merely took his hand and told him it would be ok. They’d find it. 

Her trust was not misplaced. Not in him nor in the man unconscious on the bed in front of him.

The pressure of Finn’s hand in his chased away the burning on his skin and the ache behind his eyes. It had been a week since the Resistance had arrived at Mastala, a week that he had spent by Finn’s bedside, and he’d held onto Finn’s hand as if it were the only thing keeping him from losing himself. It was enough to realize that he was in serious trouble and would be even more so once Finn woke up, but that was as far down that hole as he dared go.

BB-8 beeped again but didn’t risk startling Poe by bumping him.

Poe disentangled his hand from Finn’s and patted the droid on the head. “I’m all right, buddy.”

It snuggled against his leg and whistled a question.

Even in binary, Kylo Ren’s name sent chills down his spine. “Yeah, it was him.” He huffed. “Guess he messed me up pretty bad, huh?”

He pushed himself out of the chair and walked over to the sink. Rinsing his mouth out with water, he clutched the sides of the sink and gulped down bacta-filled air.  
BB-8 rolled next to him, filling the room with its beeps.

Poe smiled, not a wide one but a smile nevertheless. “What happened while I was out? Anything interesting?” Anything to distract him from the images sitting at the edge of his vision of a house and a family on fire, more accurately.

The droid whistled and beeped. It was midmorning, it told him. The medical droid had already checked Finn once and had seemed satisfied with what it saw. Snap had come by but had left almost immediately when he saw Poe passed out. He told BB-8 he would be by later.

Doctor Kalonia was due to come by later in the day, which gave Poe time to run to the mess hall to grab some food while BB-8 stayed behind. Over the years he had learned to stomach ration packs though he would never say that he liked them. He hoped to avoid talking to anyone but other pilots from his squadrons filtered into the mess hall and, grabbing their rations, surrounded Poe. Jessika took his left side, Snap his right.

“Look who’s emerged from his hidey hole,” Jessika teased, knocking their shoulders together.

Poe stumbled from the impact but recovered enough to shove her good-naturedly.

Before things got too out of hand, Snap maneuvered between them as they sat down.

Jessika pouted but leaned over him to ask, “So how is our ex-stormtrooper today?”

“Still in a coma.” As if Poe needed the reminder. 

“Well, Snap can sing for him,” she declared. “That’ll wake him up.”

Ello Atsy sat down across from them and muttered, “Snap’s singing would wake the dead.”

Poe looked between his three friends and burst out laughing. 

Jessika let out a whoop and delved into her meal with gusto. 

“She swears you haven’t cracked a smile since we got here so she made it her goal to cheer you up,” Snap murmured, just loud enough so Poe could hear him over Jessika bragging about her success to the other pilots. “She’s worried about you, Poe. We all are.”

“I’m fine,” Poe replied just as quietly.

Snap stared at him before shaking his head. “You always were a terrible liar.”

Poe feared he would press the issue but the base’s commander walked in, effectively halting all conversations among the pilots. She strode over to where Poe and his squadron were sitting. “Mr. Wexley, Mr. Dameron, will you come with me please?”

They traded worried glances with Jessika and Ello but followed Commander Fraser without comment. 

She led them further underground into the command center. Like the medical wing, it looked similar to the command center on D’Qar at first glance but on closer inspection, these stone walls were hewn out of the earth itself, not like D’Qar’s chiseled stone temples that were so like those back on Yavin 4. But Poe could not focus on that for long. He had to stare at the array of tactical screens and projections that had been erected since their arrival – a testament to the Resistance’s tenacity and will.

General Leia waved them over around a display where she was conversing with Admirals Statura and Ackbar. “Captain, Commanders.”

“Ma’am,” Poe acknowledged, nodding at her and the admirals.

“We’ve received reports that the First Order is massing its fleet near the Cauldron Nebula,” Leia explained, not bothering with niceties. “Wexley, we need you to make a recon flight to verify these reports.”

Snap nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

She held up a hand. “However, once you’ve transmitted your intel, you will not be returning here. We can’t risk the First Order tracing you back here so you’ll rendezvous with the New Republic fleet near the remnants of the Alderaan system.” If she felt anything mentioning her destroyed home, she didn’t show it. “Poe, it will be your job to maintain contact with him. Any information he gathers will be sent to you.” She looked at both of them. “You leave in two hours. Any preparations or goodbyes, you’d best make them now.” She addressed the entire gathering. “Dismissed until further notice.”

Poe chased after the General. “General, why wasn’t I told about this?”

Leia met his gaze. “Until now?” She laid a hand on his cheek and in that moment, she was no longer Poe’s commanding officer but his mother’s friend. “You had enough on your plate, don’t you think?”

He could only nod.

“Besides, you and I both know Snap can take care of himself.” Her attention shifted to something over his shoulder. “I think Fraser wants a word with you.”

He followed her gaze to find the commander waiting a respectful distance away.

“Something about your requisition forms, I think,” Leia informed him, a hint of a smile on her face.

Oh, shit.

He made his way over to Fraser, ready to face the music.

“Commander, I’m aware that you’ve been spending the majority of your time in the medical wing. I will make sure the command center computers are routed there.”

Poe gaped at her, his brain processing information slower than he’d like. That was not at all what he’d expected. “Thank you, ma’am.”

She reached for a data pad. “I’ve also looked over your requisition forms. Your quarters are located two floors down from the medical wing. As of right now, you have not been assigned a roommate though that is subject to change.” She swiped through the data. “All of your other paperwork seems to check out.”

He let out a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding.

“I still need the specs on your X-wing though. I noticed you left that blank.” She looked up from the pad, her eyebrows raised. 

There it was.

A console to her right began flashing. “However, I think the doctors are about to make their rounds so we’ll finish this later. Dismissed.”

When Poe didn’t move, she rolled her eyes. “From what I’ve heard on the grapevine, it’ll be good news. I’d think you’d want to be there for it.”

Realization sunk in and Poe sprinted from the room, saluting her sloppily on his way out.

He arrived in Finn’s room a few minutes before the doctor did, thoroughly out of breath and more than a little overheated despite the coolness of the cave. Laying across his chair, which BB-8 pointed at excitedly, was Finn’s jacket. He ran his hands lovingly over the worn leather. A chill ran up his back as he felt the lightsaber burn. He hadn’t seen but he knew a similar burn marred Finn’s skin. He pushed the chair out of the way and stood in the corner, jacket in his hands, to give the doctor plenty of room.

Dr. Kalonia came in and ran the same tests she had run since they brought Finn back from Starkiller: checking his vitals and thoroughly examining the wound and how well the bacta had healed it. She turned from her patient, fully aware that she had Poe’s undivided attention, and nodded at the jacket in his hands. “I’ve held onto that for when our Mr. Finn wakes up but I realized it needs repairing. Especially now our patient is healed enough to bring out of his coma.” She smiled gently when Poe collapsed in his chair.

“He’ll be okay?” Poe couldn’t believe it. After two weeks of worrying, not knowing, to have that moment here in front of him… 

BB-8 trilled excitedly and rolled from Poe to Kalonia and back. It only calmed down when Poe knelt and laid a hand on its head.

Kalonia washed her hands. “There’s no way to know for sure until he wakes but yes, I think he will be.”

“How long till he’s awake?”

She shrugged. “It’s hard to know. Every body metabolizes drugs differently. The average is anywhere from four to eight hours.”

Poe felt himself nod. At least that gave him time to patch up Finn’s jacket. 

Time passed excruciatingly slowly after Kalonia left. A medical droid coming in every hour to verify Finn’s vitals were still green was the only way Poe had to measure time. After the second visit, he received the first check-in from Snap – he had left hyperspace. Aside from that, nothing distracted him. His muscles itched to move and his stomach twisted into knots.

He paced around the tiny room. 

BB-8 rolled out of his way and continued to follow him as he strode from one corner to another. 

Mere minutes later, he worked on the jacket, sewing a piece of fabric into the leather to patch the hole. Sewing was not a skill his mother taught him. They had bonded far more over their love of flying. His hands shook, which made the stitching slightly uneven. From a distance, it would thankfully not be noticed.

The medical droid checked Finn for the eighth time.

Eight hours…

Nine hours.

Poe’s insides hollowed out. He scooted the chair up to the side of the bed and clutched Finn’s hand. “Finn, buddy, come on. Wake up.” His breath hitched. “Please.” He leaned over his friend’s prone form and pressed their foreheads together. “Please.”

The heart monitor’s steady beeping increased.

Poe pulled back, hoping beyond hope that meant what he thought it did. 

Finn squeezed his hand as his eyes fluttered open. Though clearly exhausted and wincing in pain, he smiled brightly. In a voice hoarse from disuse, he managed to whisper, “Hey, Poe.”


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing Finn asked once he was coherent enough was where Rey was. Poe didn’t know much but told Finn all he could. Finn tried to hide his disappointment that she wasn’t there but had to be excited for her as she took the next steps in her journey. At least she was safe, he said. 

Poe ensured that any future correspondence from the Jedi-in-training came through the medical wing so Finn could see it. 

Finn noticed the jacket thrown over the chair, forgotten in the flurry of activity of doctors and medical droids. Poe handed it to him, Finn taking it almost reverently. Though his back still pained him, he sat up and shrugged the jacket onto his shoulders. Poe wrote off the somersaults his stomach did to hunger and a lack of sleep.

Poe also filled him in on their change in location and he was less than pleased at being stuck on a “hunk of ice.”

Now, a few days after Finn had rejoined the living, Poe walked into Finn’s room after running into BB-8. The sight of Finn awake, bundled up in his jacket, and leaning against a mountain of pillows still startled him but slowly, he was getting accustomed to it. 

Finn looked up from the data pad he was reading and, seeing Poe, smiled. “Hey.”

Poe grabbed the chair he had become so very well acquainted with and unfolded it without much ado next to Finn’s bed. “Hey, yourself. Did I hear BB-8 right? They’re releasing you tomorrow?”

Finn nodded. BB-8 had been almost as constant a companion in his recovery as Poe, and was more up-to-date with his medical records. “Yep. Doc wanted to do one last battery of tests then I’m free.” His smile faltered. “Not really sure what I’ll do at that point.”

Poe grasped his shoulder. “The Resistance could use whatever you can offer. We’re desperate for anything and everything.” He didn’t want to add that they were especially short on pilots. Finn’s experience in a ship was sorely lacking.

Finn raised his eyebrows pointedly. “Does the Resistance have need of a sanitation worker?” 

To his surprise, Poe snorted. “That was your job? Buddy, you must have ruffled more than a few feathers in the First Order. A sanitation worker figuring out how to bring down an entire planet? They have no idea what they were missing.” Poe called it a victory when Finn’s smile returned. 

“To be fair, I was only doing what any good rookie trooper would do,” Finn clarified. “Sanitation was my last rotation. Jakku was my first mission.”

Poe barked out a laugh. “That’s a hell of a track record for a rookie.” He winked to dispel the dark cloud returning over Finn’s face.

It worked.

He craned his neck to see what was on Finn’s data pad. “Whatcha reading?”

Finn handed it to him and revealed a stack of several more on the other side of the bed next to him. “Requisition forms, I think is what she called them.”

“Who?”

“The scary commander with a wicked name.” Finn gestured vaguely. “And she insisted I used her first name, which sounds like a rathtar puking.”

Oh, if Commander Fraser had only heard that. Poe laughed. “I’m pretty sure you’re not the first person to think that.” He scanned the form Finn was working on. “The dietary restriction form you can skip. All we have is ration packs. Not really a whole lot of options there.” A couple of swipes and he submitted the form. He eyed the rest of the pile. “What’s next?”

They spent the next hour filling out the rest of Finn’s forms, although since Finn didn’t have his own ship, he skipped that one. Poe told him he was lucky before realizing that he hadn’t yet given Fraser the specs on his X-wing. 

That would be a fun conversation. Finn’s shit eating grin promised he would tease him when he admitted as such.

The last form was Finn’s housing requisition. Finn read over it, his brow furrowing. “There are no free rooms available. It says I have to room with someone.” He scrolled down the page. “I don’t know any of these people.”

Poe had not yet been assigned a roommate so he had to be on the list. Somewhere. He gestured at the pad. “Lemme see that.”

With it in hand, he scooted the chair closer so Finn could read over his shoulder. He read the list of names, exaggerating each person’s faults. “He likes to get drunk after missions, she listens to music at all hours, she’s messy –“

Finn chuckled and Poe’s heart stopped. “I think I get the picture.” He leaned over a little more. 

Poe could feel the heat radiating off him and it took all of his willpower to focus on what Finn was saying.

“Is there anybody on this list that I wouldn’t want to kill?” Finn asked, taking the pad back, the leather of his jacket brushing Poe’s arm. He paused over a name that Poe couldn’t see. “What about him?” He marked the name with his finger and passed the pad to Poe.

His eyes fell upon his own name.

“I figure, he helped me escape the First Order, right? How bad could rooming with him be?”

Poe looked up and Finn’s smile blinded him, a twinkle of mischief shining in his eyes. For a second, Poe regretted putting his name up for a roommate. After his nightmare, he’d avoided sleeping as much as possible – an easy task while holding his vigil over Finn – but since Finn had woken up, he had managed to spend nights in his assigned quarters. He tried to sleep but every night he woke screaming, covered in sweat, the pressure of Ren in his mind following him into wakefulness.

Not the best material for a roommate.

“You sure you’d wanna room with me?” he heard himself say.

Finn’s gaze turned thoughtful. “Well, yeah. As long as it’s okay with you.”

Poe found it in himself to smile. “If you’ll help me unpack. Haven’t really had time to do that yet.” 

Finn tapped something on the pad. “Deal.” Something appeared on the screen and he whooped. “They approved it. I can move in once I’m discharged.”

“So tomorrow then?”

Finn pulled up Dr. Kalonia’s schedule. “Actually, Doc thinks I can be discharged this evening.”

A screen on the far wall beeped. “Commander Dameron,” General Organa’s voice called through the comm system. Something in her tone sent chills up Poe’s spine. “Will you join me in the command center please? It’s about Snap.”

“Yes ma’am.” 

Not wanting to keep the General waiting but refusing to leave Finn hanging, he briefly explained the situation. At the mention of the Cauldron Nebula, the gears in Finn’s head started to turn. 

Poe almost could hear them.

“I’ll see you when you’re discharged?”

Finn waved him off. “Yeah, yeah. Go. That sounded important.”

He darted out of the room and down the hall without a backward glance.

The command center was chaos. People moved from one console to another, crossing paths in a bizarre dance. Technicians mingled with generals and admirals, buzzing with nervous energy. Admiral Ackbar looked up when Poe walked it. “Commander, over here.”

“What’s going on, Admiral?”

Leia approached the display. “We received a coded message from Snap.”

Poe crossed his arms. “Why wasn’t that routed to me?”

“Priority code superseded the direct commanding officer – you – in this instance,” Commander Fraser explained.

He stared at the people gathered. “What made this a priority code?”

Fraser pressed a button to play Snap’s message. 

Snap’s image appeared above the console. “General, I’ve reached the Cauldron Nebula. There appears to be no signs of the First Order fleet.” He paused to check something on his instrumentation panel. “Wait a minute. I’m getting a signal from a nearby system. I repeat, I’m getting a signal from a nearby system.” Another pause. “They’ve spotted me.” 

The display dimmed as the message ended, the sound of laser fire filling the room.

Poe let out a ragged breath. That was why.

“How delayed was that message?” a voice asked.

The command center froze and spun as one to see Finn leaning on the doorframe, Jessika at his side.

Poe gaped at him. He had left Finn in his room not minutes earlier. In his shape, he shouldn’t have been able to make it that distance. His mind whirred with far too many unanswered questions.

Leia watched Finn, her face thoughtful. “A couple of minutes.”

“Can you send a reply?” With Jessika’s assistance, he hobbled to the display.

Fraser nodded. 

“What do you have in mind?” Leia asked.

“TIE fighter pilots are instructed to avoid nebulas at all costs. The radiation plays havoc with their instruments. First Order lost a lot of valuable targets that way. If Snap’s still near the nebula, he can use it to hide from their sensors until he can make the jump into hyperspace.”

“That still leaves the larger freighters,” Ackbar countered. “Their equipment won’t be as easy to fool.”

“At that distance, they’re a lot slower than an X-wing. He should be able to outmaneuver them long enough to escape,” Finn replied.

“What about the cannons on those things?” Poe’s eyes met Finn’s across the display. Both of them knew the cannons could easily take down the more maneuverable TIE fighters. An X-wing stood no chance.

Finn smiled calmly. “The nebula should also confuse the tracking on any missiles they could fire. It’s the perfect cover.”

Poe couldn’t help but smile in return. It was reckless but damn, he lived on reckless. And he admired how quickly Finn must have worked this scheme out.

Fraser turned to Leia. “It might work.”

Leia’s face hardened almost imperceptibly. “Send him a message. Tell him to get his ass out of there.”

The room erupted into motion. 

Poe took advantage of the momentary distraction to rush to Finn’s side. “What the hell were you thinking?” he demanded quietly. In the pandemonium around them, no one heard their conversation.

Finn shrugged. “It sounded like there was trouble. First Order trouble.” He looked down. “I thought I might be able to help.”

“You did a lot more than that, buddy,” Poe assured him. He gripped the display to keep himself steady as his legs turned to jelly at the relief in Finn’s eyes.

Tense moments passed and conversations slowly faded, movement ceased. Neither Finn nor Poe dared to breathe.

Kaydel Ko Connix told the silent room, “Message received and acknowledged. Captain Wexley is en route to the Alderaan system.”

Amid the cheers, Poe only had eyes for Finn. He wrapped him in massive hug and, though he carried more of Finn’s weight than he should, the day could not be better. 

Commander Fraser interrupted their moment but she was smiling. Or as close to a smile as Poe had seen on her. She extended a hand, which Finn shook. “We owe you, Mr. Finn.” She considered something for a moment. “You seem to have a keen mind. We could use you in tactical if another unit hasn’t already grabbed you.”

Finn glanced at Poe, uncertain, but he replied, “No, ma’am. I haven’t had any offers yet.”

“We’ll talk once you’ve rested. For now, I think Commander Dameron needs to escort you back to the medical wing.”

Poe helped Finn traverse the passageways and settled him in his room. Dr. Kalonia was nearly beside herself at the damage Finn could have done to his back. They heard her muttering down the hall about ex-stormtroopers and crazy flyboys.

Finn leaned back against his pile of pillows. “I guess I’m not getting discharged today.” He sighed and pulled his jacket tighter. “Worth it though.”

Poe settled back in his chair. “I have to ask: how in blazes did you convince Jessika to spring you?”

Finn was only too happy to tell him. She had stopped by not seconds after Poe had left and when Finn told her of his harebrained plan, she was only too happy to help. Poe laughed so hard, tears ran down his face. Finn managed a chuckle without hurting his back too badly but he smiled like anything.

Poe had to take his leave once Finn got the all clear. “There’s still a mess down in command. Someone needs to clean it up.” 

“I don’t envy you that at all.”

Poe pointed a finger at him. “Don’t laugh. You’ll be in it soon enough.” His face softened. “Don’t jailbreak again though, ok? Let your back heal.”

Finn flashed his brilliant smile. “I can’t promise anything.” His last glimpse of Poe was of him shaking his head, a smile tugging at his lips.


	4. Chapter 4

Despite her protests, Finn convinced Dr. Kalonia to discharge him that evening. She conducted her battery of tests on the nerves and muscles around his wound and repaired the tearing but could find no valid reason to continue to hold him. A fact which she was most unamused by.

Jessika brought by a change of clothes – Poe’s, she’d said with a wink. Finn didn’t think much of it except how glad he would be to get out of the hospital garb. It was a tad looser than he was comfortable with. He did hope Poe wouldn’t mind him borrowing more of his clothes.

He had little time though to prepare for his discharge. Between the commanding officers of several Resistance units, from the head doctor to the chief supply officer, flitting in and out of his room and several people whose names he could barely keep track of, Finn was not bored. The General wanted to figure out his strengths and weaknesses before assigning him to a specific position. Many of the more physical jobs needed to wait while Finn’s back continued to heal. Still, she was wasting no time in setting up what she could.

According to Jessika, Finn risking further damage to his back to save one of the Resistance’s best reconnaissance pilots, all while in his hospital scrubs, cemented him into the good graces of the entire base, even those still hesitant about him after his actions on Starkiller. 

Poe was still tied up with the aftermath of Snap’s run-in with the First Order and Jessika had to join him so BB-8 took on the task of getting Finn safely to his room once all of the official visits were over. Or rather once Dr. Kalonia had shooed everyone out so Finn could get some peace and quiet. BB-8 beeped excitedly, rolling around Finn’s legs as he finally got out of his hospital gown and into real clothes.

“You know, you keep getting under my feet, I’ll trip and I won’t be going anywhere,” Finn warned as he balanced precariously on one foot, the other stuck in the pants he was trying to put on.

BB-8 stilled and glanced worriedly at Finn’s not quite steady legs. It hummed, as if considering, and let Finn finish dressing in peace.

Dr. Kalonia gave Finn a cane as he walked out. “Just in case,” she said.

Finn thanked her, wishing desperately that he wouldn’t have to use it but, having already experienced the hell that was the Resistance’s new base, he knew he would. 

BB-8 led him slowly down narrow passageways that twisted and turned unexpectedly. The barracks were laid out much neater and seemed much newer than the rest of the base he had seen. The hallway straightened and widened, doors with keycode entry pads lining each side.

Finn expected something like stormtrooper barracks, with rows upon rows of beds lining large dormitory style rooms, but found Poe’s room to be nothing at all like that. It was private, to be shared only by its two occupants. Though small, a bunk bed sat tucked in the far corner and piles of boxes stacked floor to ceiling with half assembled shelving covered the rest of the floor. A door on the opposite wall led to a small ‘fresher that had an actual water shower.

He would definitely have to try that later.

BB-8 pushed past him, beeping incessantly.

Finn sighed. “You know I can’t understand a word you’re saying, right?”

It whistled and Finn almost swore it was annoyed. 

“Look, I didn’t exactly have time to learn binary in stormtrooper school.”

BB-8 hung its head, whistling sadly. It perked up, spinning around and almost knocking a box over. It glanced at Finn then tapped the box it stopped in front of.

Finn struggled to kneel down but managed to get the box open. “Okay, what am I looking for?” The droid wasn’t forthcoming so he unpacked the box’s contents until BB-8 trilled. He held up an older data pad. “This?”

The droid nodded.

He switched the pad on. “Introductory binary?” he read aloud. “You want to teach me binary?”

It beeped again slowly, as if it were enunciating.

“Yes? That means yes?”

It repeated the beep and stuck out its butane lighter. 

Finn snorted. He settled next to BB-8 and they got to work.

Poe found them on the floor when he returned from the command center, worn out from the adrenaline of the day. He spent the majority of the afternoon on conference calls with the admirals of the New Republic fleet – those that had survived – all the while trying not to think of how close a call the day had been. 

How close Snap had come to dying.

Seeing Finn in one of his old T-shirts and bundled in that worn brown jacket, his breath caught. The weight of the day lifted from his shoulders – he was happier just seeing Finn out of the medical wing. “You made it.” 

Finn startled at the voice but smiled when he saw Poe. “Yeah and thanks to BB-8 I didn’t get lost. This place is a maze.”

“Well, I don’t think whoever designed this place intended for it to be a main base for a large military organization,” Poe reasoned, walking into the room.

“No shit.” Finn flipped the pad off. 

Poe reached out to help him up. 

Finn hesitated, debating if he should accept the help or try to use the cane Kalonia gave him. His training screamed at him to do it himself but he easily brushed the thought aside. He clasped Poe’s hand and Poe yanked him to his feet. They ended up far closer than either expected. For a second, neither moved, breathing each other’s air.

Poe pulled back first. “So what kind of trouble was BB-8 trying to get you into?” he asked, running a hand through his hair. 

BB-8 beeped indignantly.

“Oh, you weren’t getting him to trouble?” He swept a hand over the contents of the box that Finn had unpacked. “What if I had something in that box I didn’t want him to see?”

BB-8 raspberried at him and rolled to a corner to sulk.

Poe shook his head. “Dramatic droid.”

Finn ducked to hide a smile. “Wonder where it gets it from…” 

“What did you say?”

“I didn’t say anything,” Finn replied innocently, setting the pad on another box that was still sealed shut.

Poe made a disbelieving noise.

“I’m just thinking you not giving Fraser those specs she wanted might not be the best role model if you don’t want it to be dramatic.”

Poe gaped at him and stuttered something, which tickled Finn so much he chuckled. “I’m going to regret telling you about that, aren’t I?”

BB-8 beeped and Finn burst out laughing.

Poe looked from one to the other and threw his hands up. “That’s just not fair.”

Someone knocked on their door and Poe, trying to retain some of his dignity, called out, “Come in.”

Ello stuck his head in. “Poe, can I borrow BB-8 for a moment? R3 is having issues communicating with our X-wing.”

Poe waved the droid out. “Yes, please. Take him.”

BB-8 whistled, giving Ello a thumb’s up.

Ello laughed all the way down the hall.

Finn flopped down on the bottom bunk. “He wasn’t actually causing trouble, you know.”

Poe rested his forearm against the frame of the top bunk. “I know exactly what he was doing and he knows it.” He nodded at the pad Finn had abandoned. “That’s the program I used to learn binary.”

Finn looked up. “You don’t mind me using it?”

Poe shrugged. “Hell, no. If you didn’t, it wouldn’t get much use otherwise.” He pushed off the bed and walked to the closest box. He unsealed it and started removing its contents.

Finn joined him but he leaned against the box for support. “Where’d you get all of this?” He pulled out an old leather bound book.

Poe glanced at the volume in his hands. “Some of it was my parents’. Some I picked up on my travels, with the Republic, the Resistance.”

“Lots of stories then?” Finn asked, hoping to learn a little more about the man who had saved his life.

Poe was only too happy to share. They unloaded more boxes as Poe explained the history of each item. Finn didn’t believe the more ridiculous stories but Poe swore every single one of them was true.

Finn stopped their work as he looked around and realized they had nowhere to put everything they were unloading. He dragged Poe off the floor and pushed him in the direction of a half-assembled shelving unit.

It was well into the next cycle when they finished, shelves assembled and all of Poe’s random assortment of objects and clothing in their proper places, and the empty boxes carted into the hall for the supply officer to retrieve.

In the space they’d freed up, Poe managed to assemble a table. He even found two chairs one of the other pilots had gotten rid of.

Finn had never felt so at ease. His whole life he had been watched, conditioned, molded. Even when he left that behind, he still looked over his shoulder for something to grab him. He was a creature born of fear but in this space, he wasn’t afraid. 

He couldn’t say how long they had worked but he enjoyed every minute of it – every minute of Poe’s stories. Poe had a history, a past, that wasn’t confined to his status as a number or his abilities – what he could give the Order – and Finn wanted to hear more of it, wanted to be a part of it.

Poe helped him to the bottom bunk and Finn sank gratefully into the mattress. “You might’ve overdone it, buddy.”

Finn shrugged and grimaced as pain flared across his back. He tried not to think about the breath Poe sucked in or the worry on his face that he carefully hid before Finn could swear he’d seen it. 

“That’s it. You’re taking the bottom bunk.” 

“Poe, no, you can’t. That’s yours-“

He cut off any protests Finn tried to make. “Do you really wanna climb in and out of that top bunk?”

No, he really didn’t and damn Poe for knowing it. Still, such an action required a response. Poe had already shot down protesting so Finn reached behind him and found Poe’s pillow. Poe had no time to react or duck before Finn hurled it at him. 

It hit Poe square in the face.

“So that’s how it’s gonna be?” Poe asked, picking up the pillow off the floor.

“You took the bottom bunk and you’re just giving it up for me? Yeah, that’s how it’s gonna be.”

Poe threw it back.

Despite his wound, Finn caught it easily. He considered hitting Poe again but Poe joined him on the bed, the joy falling from his face, leaving something softer and more vulnerable behind.

“Thanks for what you did today.”

Finn turned but Poe kept staring straight ahead. He had something weighing on him and Finn waited for him to say it.

“We lost a lot of good pilots going after Starkiller,” Poe continued. “Not sure we could’ve lost another.” 

Finn understood the myriad of emotions Poe was dealing with. “We didn’t.” He squeezed Poe’s hand. “You didn’t.” 

Poe couldn’t look away from the hand he’d held for hours on end, terrified that its owner would never again wake. He couldn’t keep his own hand from shaking, or his whole body from shaking, the exhaustion of the past few days finally hitting him hard.

Finn pulled him close, wrapped him in his arms.

BB-8’s return startled them. It beeped incessantly, filling the small room with noise.

Poe stretched to work out the stiffness in his neck and saw Finn doing likewise, if a bit more gingerly. “Yeah, BB, it’s late. I hear you.” He left the comfort of the bed and tossed a pair of PJs across the room for Finn. Eventually they needed to get him clothes of his own.

Not that Poe minded sharing.

“What time do you have to be up in the morning?” Finn asked, already climbing under the covers as Poe walked toward the ‘fresher for a shower.

Poe checked the chrono. “In about four hours. You?”

“Probably the same. The General – well, Fraser – wants to pick my brain,” Finn replied sleepily.

“I don’t envy you that at all,” Poe replied, his voice echoing off the ‘fresher walls. He peeked around the door. “Get some sleep, buddy.” He needn’t have said anything.

Finn was fast asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Finn woke to an empty room. Neither BB-8 nor Poe were anywhere to be found. The artificial lights had not yet brightened to daytime settings so it was morning. Early, early morning. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stretched. His back protested the movement. Poe was right. He overdid it last night. 

He struggled to get out of bed but he managed with the help of his cane. He hobbled to the ‘fresher to take a shower but realized he had no clothes to change into. What Jessika had nicked for him would have to suffice. Poe hadn’t said anything so Finn assumed sharing clothes, at least temporarily, was all right.

He turned the shower on and stepped under the pounding stream of hot water. Though the water stung his back, it worked the kinks out of his muscles. It took more willpower than he thought he had to leave but the Resistance waited for no one.

Before he left, Finn saw a hastily scrawled note on the table. “Sorry we had to run,” it read, “Got a mission. Back tonight. Poe.” He carefully folded the note up and slid it in his pocket. Rey would have teased him mercilessly for it but he took some small comfort from having it with him.

Without BB-8’s help, finding his way anywhere was more of a challenge. A couple of unsuspecting officers very politely pointed him in the right direction when he cornered them. If he paid attention, the layout of the base wasn’t as confusing as he first thought but he’d see how well he remembered the next time he tried to find his way.

Fraser waved him over as he walked in. “Good morning,” she said, the look in her eyes telling him that the morning was anything but good. “We’ve had new intel about a First Order base not far from here. Commander Dameron is commanding the mission.” For a moment, she stared at the display where the ships’ signals danced around each other. “The General is in her office. She’s expecting you.”

Clearly dismissed, Finn loitered at the display until he spotted Poe’s call sign.

Fraser noticed him staring. “I’ll send updates to you if you’d like.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

She waved him off. “It’s nothing. Now go. The General doesn’t like to wait.”

Finn found the General’s office at the back of the command center. He heard two very heated voices from inside so he waited.

“Ma’am, that is horse shit!”

The General replied, “You have my answer, Captain. Arguing won’t change my mind.”

The door swung open, almost hitting Finn. An irate woman pushed past him, a blur of red hair. She muttered an apology but didn’t stop.

“Come in, Finn,” Leia called out. 

He entered her office, letting the door close behind him, and stood in front of her desk at attention.

She smiled, a tight, tired thing. “There’s no need for that. I’ve had enough of it to last a lifetime.” She motioned him into a chair. “Sit. You look like you’re about to fall over.”

He sank into the chair. “Thank you, ma’am.”

The door opened. A technician handed her a pad and left with a nod at Finn. “Sir.”

Finn wasn’t sure how to respond.

Leia scanned the pad before turning her attention back to Finn. She noticed his shock. “Your stunt yesterday earned you respect from the senior staff. There’s been talk of instituting you into a command position.” She leaned back in her chair. “Some people are acting like that’s already happened.”

“I didn’t do anything though,” he protested.

“But you did,” she countered. “And not just yesterday.” She stood and walked around her desk. “You’ve saved a lot of lives. We won’t forget that.”

“So where does that leave me?”

“That’s up to you. Rey mentioned you wanted to flee to the Outer Rim. We can arrange transport if you want.” She paused, judging his reaction. “Or we can induct you into the Resistance. You’d serve a day with each of the commanders interested in taking you, see where you’d fit best. If you decide to stay with us, life won’t be easy. Missions will go badly, people will die. You’ll be asked to make decisions you’ll hate.” She let him take that in. 

Finn had dreamed so long of escaping the First Order and fleeing to the Outer Rim. On Takodana, he’d almost made it. But he couldn’t leave Rey, or BB-8.

He swallowed the bile that rose in the back of his throat at the thought of leaving Poe. Of what Poe would think of him if he left.

He was with the Resistance now. There was no decision to be made.

“Who would I be with first?”

Her smile was far too knowing. “I had you with Dr. Kalonia today but I don’t think you could keep up with her.” She reached behind her to find the base’s duty roster. “Iolo’s squadron is grounded due to technical issues with the cold. I think you could assist the ground crew in weatherproofing.” She shook his hand. “Welcome to the Resistance.”

Kaydel offered to take him to the hangar. Since that was one part of the base he hadn’t been to, he accepted her offer.

Dagger Squadron’s hangar sat closer to the surface than the majority of the base and the Resistance did not waste power on keeping it heated. One of the technicians, who introduced himself as Kadin, handed him a coat. “You’re gonna need it.”

Finn had a working knowledge of X-wings and Y-wings from his time in the Order. The exposed components could survive the vacuum of space but the snow corroded them. Hence the weatherproofing.

Kadin showed him how to install covers over the primary components without blocking the main exhaust ports. 

Several techs worked on the ships over the course of the day. They stopped to break for lunch, a ration pack for everyone. The shift ended and they filed out of the hangar, leaving their coats behind as they entered the warmer parts of the base. Grease and oil covered Finn’s hands and face but the heavier coat protected Poe’s jacket from the same fate.

He found his way back to his room without help. If he hadn’t been so exhausted, he would have celebrated. As it was, he barely had the energy to run the shower to clean off and put on clean clothes. He saw two pads on the table that hadn’t been there that morning.

The first was his schedule for the upcoming week. The General had him organizing supply runs tomorrow and following Dr. Kalonia for her medical rotation the day after. After that, he had more flexibility depending on how healed his back was. He eyed the special operations unit. Its captain, Captain Fraser, had put in a request only that morning to have him practice at the firing range. He marked that for later.

The second came from Commander Fraser, updating him on Poe’s mission. Aside from saying that all ships and pilots were still flying, it offered no new information. Nothing about the mission objective, how dangerous it was. Whether Poe would return when he said he would.

Setting the pad to alert him if anything changed, he collapsed on his bed and was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

Poe did not return that night, or the night after.

Dr. Kalonia noted how distracted he was when he followed her on her rotation. She had to ask him questions multiple times and caught him checking his data pad whenever he had the chance. 

Given the circumstances, she easily forgave him. The radio silence ate at her nerves too; she could just hide it better.

Finally, she had to dismiss him for the day. “Your mind is everywhere but here.”

He sighed. “Yeah, it is. I’m sorry.”

“If my orderlies or the med droids did their jobs half as well as you as distracted as you are, I’d have a damn good unit.” She walked with him to the entrance of the wing. “I’ll send you the tests I was going to give you this afternoon. Take them at your leisure.”

Which left Finn with nothing to do.

He started walking, not knowing or caring where he was going. He remained in a daze until he heard blaster fire. For a moment, he forgot he was on the Resistance base; he was back on Jakku, watching his comrades die.

He glanced behind him as if the empty space could answer why or how he’d come this far. He shook his head and set off in the direction of the sound. 

The blaster fire came from the firing range, which sat at the far end of the base for safety.

If he was there, he might as well make the best of it.

Only one person was actively shooting. Finn recognized her as the redheaded woman from the General’s office. She fired several blasts in succession, each hitting the target some two hundred meters away. She recalled the target, checked her work, and reloaded.

“You’re Finn, right?” she called out, not looking away from her work.

“How did you know?”

She put the gun down and finally turned to face him. She bore a striking resemblance to Commander Fraser – the same facial structure, the same intelligence behind the eyes. “You walk with a limp and canes sound different than boots. I’ve looked over the roster of everyone stationed here – most people needing a cane aren’t fit enough to walk out here.” She shook his hand. “Name’s Mairi. Nice to meet you.”

“You wouldn’t be –“

“Yes, I am and no, I don’t want to talk about it,” she cut him off, crossing her arms over her chest. “So are you here about my offer or did you just come here to shoot?”

Finn thought back but could not place what offer she was talking about. To his knowledge, aside from their one brief interaction outside Leia’s office, they’d never spoken. 

Then it hit him. “You’re Captain Fraser, commander of the special forces unit.”

She nodded. “I am. Still didn’t answer my question.”

“I think I just need to shoot things,” he replied.

She handed him the blaster she had been using. “It’s all yours.”

The pistol sat comfortably in his hand. He raised it, looking down the sights. It had a good range, if Mairi’s run was any indication.

She set up a new target and let him shoot the living hell out of it.

Finn let his mind go blank as he lined up each shot. The pistol didn’t recoil badly so he managed to keep it steady even with his injury.

He returned to his room after putting in a couple of hours of practice. Mairi said nothing the entire time he was shooting or cleaning the gun nor did she leave with him. She chose a different blaster and resumed her own practice. Finn heard the blaster fire echoing off the walls. 

Commander Fraser had sent no new information to his pad. He threw it across the table and stared at it as if its very existence offended him. Each day with no news from Poe set his nerves a little more on edge. He reached for the letter in his pocket every chance he could and pulled Poe’s jacket tighter at night before he could sleep.

The next days passed in a blur. He bounced from the medical unit to supplies to tactical and studied binary in his free time, letting the work distract him. He barely noticed his back healing to the point he could walk without a cane. Everyone he worked with was impressed by what he knew and respected how he was willing to learn what he didn’t.

He didn’t notice.

The only blip that dragged him, kicking and screaming, into some semblance of caring was a message from Rey. Her smiling face rose from the holographic projector in the General’s office. Leia ensured he got some privacy for their conversation.

“Finn!” she cried. “They said you were awake but I didn’t quite believe it.”

“I’ve been up about a week. Trying to figure out where I fit in here.”

She nodded sagely. “I know you’ll figure it out.” Her smile turned knowing. “How’s Poe?”

The dam burst; the gut-twisting worry and muted panic he’d buried to stay functional escaped in one huge wave. He clutched the edge of the desk and broke down. 

Rey waited it out, her face twisting in pain and worry. “Talk to me. What happened?”

He told her, all of it, and she listened without judgment.

“Finn, I’m so sorry. I wish I could do something.”

He managed a watery smile.

A klaxon blared, interrupting anything he had been about to say.

Finn cycled through the various signals and warnings he had heard the Resistance use, his brain operating slower than normal. “Incoming ships,” he murmured.

A voice replaced the klaxon. “Rapier Squadron preparing to dock in Hangar Bay 4.”

Finn’s brow furrowed in confusion. Rapier Squadron had disbanded when it joined the Resistance.

But Rey’s face lit up. “That’s him,” she said without hesitation. “Go.”

Finn followed the crowd of officers and crew to the hangar, his heart pounding in his ears. He spotted Jessika and Ello first. 

Jessika waved when she saw him. As if she read his mind, she pointed to the other side of the hangar toward a very familiar black X-wing. The crowd did not venture toward it since most of the pilots were congregating by their ships on the other side of the hangar. 

He saw a very familiar silhouette hopping out of the cockpit and checking the ship over. His brain cheered and his thoughts boiled down to one, repeated over and over: Poe was alive.

BB-8 did not share its master’s desire to perform more work after it exited the craft. There was a celebration going on that it wanted to be a part of. It noticed Finn standing some distance away and whistled excitedly. Without waiting for Poe to respond, it took off, greeting Finn with a constant stream of beeps and trills.

Finn crouched down and trudged through the almost incomprehensible gibberish. From what he could gather, BB-8 was saying over and over how glad it was to see him.

He chuckled. “Missed you too, BB-8.” He looked up to find Poe staring at him with an expression he couldn’t decipher – fatigue, pure joy, and something far more tender mixed in equal measure.

Poe strode towards him while BB-8 babbled away, telling Finn this and that about their mission.

Finn only half paid attention to what it was saying as Poe helped him to his feet. “Where the hell were you?” he demanded, voice breaking. 

Poe’s expression crumbled. He mouthed something, reaching up to run his hand over Finn’s buzz cut, and pressed their foreheads together.

Finn tangled his fingers in Poe’s hair, pushing them closer, not wanting to ever let go.

Someone politely coughed behind them. “Poe, the General wants a debrief.”

They pulled apart enough for Poe to look over Finn’s shoulder at Jessika, who looked like she would rather be anywhere else. “Be there in a minute.”

She nodded and hastily made her exit.

Poe lingered longer than a minute, the thought of leaving Finn again roiling his stomach. He had too much to say in such a short time so neither ended up saying anything.

“Dameron!”

Ello’s shout startled them both.

“Go,” Finn said. “Don’t keep her waiting.”

With one last bone-crushing hug, Poe left, BB-8 hot on his heels. Finn slipped away to send Rey a message before joining the officers in the command center.

***

Captain Mairi Fraser scanned the incoming data from the mission, her platoon behind her waiting for orders.

“Our timetable has moved up,” she informed them. “Let’s get to work.”


	6. Chapter 6

The debriefing was officers only so Finn loitered in the command center with the other techs while Commander Fraser and the General joined the admirals and the pilots in Leia’s office. 

Some techs mulled over the unclassified portions of the mission at their stations; others monitored the local space traffic or other ongoing, less volatile, missions. 

Finn examined this mission’s data in hopes of finding something, anything, to explain what happened. Missions went south all the time – he pointedly did not think of Slip dying in some small village on Jakku – but something about this one sat poorly with him. 

He couldn’t quite put his finger on what that was.

The others techs couldn’t either if the general tone of conversations was anything to go by.

“I don’t understand how we missed the star destroyer in orbit over the planet.”

“The First Order shouldn’t have had that much security for a training base.”

“Our intel was bad. Had to be.”

“It’s never been that wrong. People could’ve gotten killed.”

“Thank the Force for Dameron – he gets his people out.”

Mairi appeared at his shoulder. “You’re bugged too, huh?”

He jumped and spun to glare at her. 

“Sorry. I thought you heard me.” She examined the data he had been looking at. “You’re bugged too,” she confirmed. She motioned about the room. “What about this mission has everyone so on edge?” 

Finn listed off the aberrations he knew of: the radio silence, its duration. Neither of which were standard operating procedure when Poe commanded.

“Those aren’t beyond the realm of a normal mission though,” she pointed out, glancing back at the General’s office. “So what went so bad? And why can’t we know about it?” She shook her head to clear away those thoughts. “Guess you won’t need the firing range again for a while?”

Finn exhaled. “You never know.”

She grinned. “You considering joining spec ops?”

“I gotta talk to Poe and Rey first.”

BB-8 interrupted her before she could reply. It beeped that the meeting was running long. It paused and, with no small amount of humor, told him that Poe said not to wait up. 

Mairi stifled a laugh as it rolled back into the General’s office. 

Finn stood rooted to the spot in embarrassment but, thankfully, no other technicians heard the exchange.

“You and Dameron get on well then?” Mairi asked when she stopped laughing, which only made Finn blush deeper. That’s a yes, she thought, filing that information for later. “I’m glad, Finn. He’s a good man.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“You know, he couldn’t stop talking about you when we got him back. You made quite the impression.” She tapped in a command at the display. “He thought you’d died on Jakku. Tore him up.”

“I- I didn’t know.” But Finn couldn’t say he was surprised. This was the man who sat at his bedside until he woke. It just surprised him that Poe would be that concerned about him.

Mairi hummed.

The pilots filed into the command center, all close to collapsing.

Finn caught Poe’s gaze and offered what he hoped was an encouraging smile.

Poe returned it but couldn’t quite hide his exhaustion.

Commander Fraser stepped in behind the pilots. “Would all non-essential personnel leave the premises please?” She pointedly glared at her sister, who glared back.

If the sudden temperature drop in the room was anything to go by, there was no love lost between them.

The technicians, Finn, and Mairi made a hasty exit. 

Safely outside and away from the prying eyes of her sister, Mairi pulled out a data pad from underneath her jacket. “I downloaded what information I could before our fearless leader gave us the boot.” She handed it to him. “In case you were bored.”

He took it from her hesitantly.

“It’s nothing classified,” she assured him. “They’d have my head for that. But you might see something everyone else has missed.” She tilted her head as if she were listening to something only she could hear. “Sorry, Finn. Duty calls.” She dashed off, leaving him thoroughly befuddled in the middle of the hallway.

He continued toward his room, having every intention of waiting up for Poe. He had a lot of binary to catch up on, a mission to review, and those tests Kalonia sent him to take.

And he had Rey to call.

Rey cheered at the news that Poe and the other pilots had come back alive. She had only met them briefly before she left but she had left Finn in the best hands. Something about Poe felt right.

She couldn’t shake the feeling that something else was very, very wrong. When she asked Skywalker about it, his gaze turned distant. “Trust your feelings,” he said.

So she warned Finn.

“I’ll see what I can find out,” he assured her.

“Be safe.”

***

Poe trudged out of the command center, waving at Jessika and Ello as they headed toward their respective barracks. The meeting had lasted close to four hours and he wished he couldn’t feel the ache in his feet radiating up his legs.

The General had been content to listen to his report of the mission but Fraser grilled him, grilled all of them. Even if Poe had gotten enough sleep on the mission, that level of interrogation still would have left him woozy.

The lights in his and Finn’s room were still on but Poe, not knowing if Finn had fallen asleep, put a finger to his lips as BB-8 rolled up behind him.

BB-8 nodded, its gears whirring quietly.

The door slid open. Finn was sitting up in his bunk, studying the pad Poe had left him with. “Whoever came up with this kriffin’ language ought to be shot.” He waved the pad around. “Have you seen this?” 

“Fun, huh?” Poe teased. 

Finn snorted. “Yeah, that’s the word.” He watched Poe expectantly, questions sitting at the tip of his tongue.

Poe sighed. “I know you got questions but I haven’t had a real shower in over a week.”

Finn waved him off, his eyes bright and mischievous. “Go! Stop stinking up the room.” 

Poe wanted nothing more than to get out of his flights suit and shower but his gaze was drawn to Finn as he resumed his studying, his chest rising and falling with each breath, his brow furrowed in concentration. Poe’s chest constricted. He was in real trouble if the way he reacted to Finn’s distress was any indication. 

Before Finn could notice him still standing there gawking, Poe retreated to the ‘fresher. He leaned against the closed door and closed his eyes, pressing them so tightly together he saw flashes of light.

He’d never had someone waiting for him after missions, no one that would truly mourn him if he got killed. 

Until now.

What would Finn do if he didn’t come back?

On those sour thoughts, he climbed into the shower. His skin pruned under the barrage of hot water but he didn’t want to get out. Once he did, the demands of the Resistance dug their talons into him, forcing him to give more, more.

He wasn’t sure how much he had left to give.

But Finn was swearing at binary on the other side of the door and that was more than enough.

His hair still damp and sticking up at odd angles, he wandered back into their room. “Scooch over.” He sat down in the space Finn scrambled to vacate. He leaned over Finn’s shoulder and studied the pad. He whistled. “Conditional tense? That’s heavy.”

“I didn’t even know languages had this many tenses,” Finn complained.

Poe laughed. “How the hell are you even this far in the program? It took me months to get to this.”

Finn shrugged. “It makes sense. And I had a lot of down time.”

“I would’ve thought the General would have had you attached to every unit she could.”

“She did.” 

Poe turned to look at him. “That bad?”

Finn listed off every division he’d worked with and the larger tasks he’d performed.

“How are you still standing?”

Finn’s response, though casual, cut him. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“I would’ve called in if I could,” he said quietly. “Didn’t mean to worry you.”

Finn bumped their shoulders together. “I know.” He sat the pad aside. “Are you okay?”

Of all the questions he expected Finn to ask, that wasn’t it. Everything that was not okay threatened to spill out in a rush but he couldn’t tonight. “I- I don’t know. We didn’t lose anybody but kriff, I’m tired.” He meant more than the physical exhaustion of the mission but he half hoped Finn didn’t realize that. “It was a fucked up mission.”

Finn threw his arm over his shoulders. 

They sat quietly, Finn’s pad long forgotten. The silence stretched on but neither felt the urge to break it.

Poe relished the peace and the opportunity to let his nerves unwind. He leaned against Finn’s shoulder enough to register the pressure and drew some comfort from the contact. But the past several days caught up to him and he yawned loudly.

Finn’s chuckle shook them both. “Did you get any sleep out there?”

Poe froze at the mention of sleep, all peace gone. “Not nearly enough,” he said.

“That settles it. We gotta get to bed. Morning’ll come awfully early.”

Finn helped him turn off the lights and he climbed up to his bunk, fighting the overwhelming desire to sleep. He hadn’t had the opportunity on the mission to get more than a couple of hours at a time – simultaneously a blessing and a curse. His body was worn past its breaking point – all of the pilots were – and they had been grounded as a result. But it had kept the nightmares at bay, nightmares that waited just on the other side of sleep for him.

That was not a conversation he wanted to have with…well, anyone. Especially not with his squads. They had to know that mission messed him up, the haunted look refused to leave his eyes no matter what he did or how brave a front he put up. It had even worked for a while when he had no time to think.

He never told the General how terrified he was to be left to die. Yes, he had agreed to it and had been happy to do it but the reality of the situation forced him to reconsider.

If it hadn’t been for Finn…

He waited until Finn’s breathing evened out and slipped out of the room. If he had nightmares in his X-wing, no one would see.

***

“Why does Commander Fraser look like she swallowed a gundark?” Finn asked Mairi at the firing range about a week later. The entire unit had gathered for training. Some practiced on the range, others on the space behind, loading and reloading weapons at top speed.

Mairi barked a laugh. “She’s just pissed I went over her head.” Several loud shots rang out. “That’s a round! Bring ‘em in guys!” Over the commotion, she turned back to Finn. “She had your pilot slated for another mission. I told the General to keep him grounded.”

Finn watched the shooters walk back, uncomfortable at how she referred to Poe. “He’ll be pissed if he finds out. And he’s not my pilot.”

She pointed toward the entryway where Poe was waving at him, holding up lunch. “Sure he’s not.” She left him with that as she walked over to her squad to approve their targets.

“Hey, stranger,” Poe joked, tossing him a ration pack. “Working hard?”

Finn dug into it. “I saw you this morning,” he pointed out. 

“Huh?”

“Not a stranger. I literally saw you a few hours ago.”

“And then you ran off.” Poe bit off a huge chunk of a protein bar. “You thinking of ending up here?”

Finn thought about it for a second. He could work with Dr. Kalonia or with the supply officers. He could also work in the command center as a tactician and he’d be good at it – not that he wanted to work in close proximity to Commander Fraser. She took his friendship with her sister as a personal affront. No, here he could do the most good. “I wanted to run it by you first.”

Poe’s smile lit up the room. “Are you kidding? I think it’s fantastic!” He looked over the unit. “What would they have you doing?”

“Training mostly. A lot of recruits coming in since the destruction of the Hosnian system.”

“Well, I can’t think of a better man for the job.” He leaned against Finn’s shoulder. “They’re lucky to have you.”

Finn ducked his head to hide his smile, a blush spreading over his cheeks.

Poe’s communicator buzzed. “Commander, would you come to my office please?” the General asked, her voice tinny through the small speaker.

“Guess that means lunch is over,” Finn quipped as they stood.

Poe smiled apologetically. “See you tonight?”

“Finn! Can you show these idiots how to field strip these blasters?” Mairi called out.

Finn waved in acknowledgement. “You bet,” he said in answer to Poe’s question.

Poe hesitated, his hand on Finn’s shoulder, as if deciding whether or not to do something. He leaned in and kissed Finn on the cheek before dashing out to meet with the General.

Finn didn’t even mind demonstrating proper blaster care for the rest of the afternoon.


	7. Chapter 7

Poe stared at the General in shock. “You’re doing what?”

Leia felt for him. Delivering news like that never got easier but it was especially hard with Poe. She was less a commanding officer with him and more his mother. Shara would thrash her if she could see what Leia had done to her son. “I’m grounding you until further notice,” she repeated patiently.

“Why?”

“I have it on good authority that you’re unfit for duty.” She watched him carefully. “And I think you know exactly what I’m talking about.” 

He shut her out, standing up at attention. His expression gave nothing away but he knew. And she knew it. “Permission to be dismissed, ma’am.”

She expected him to argue, to push back, the way he always did when he didn’t quite get his way. That he didn’t… He was faring worse than she feared – up until now, she had ignored Captain Fraser’s warnings because the Resistance needed him. _Oh, Poe, what have we done to you?_ “Granted,” she relented, her voice quiet.

The door slid shut behind him, leaving her to her thoughts. She’d have to tell Commander Fraser that she had pulled her prize pilot, a conversation she did not relish having on the heels of the one she just had.

With a sigh, she rose and walked back into the fray.

***

Finn hurried back to their room after his shift ended, still riding the high from the afternoon, but he knew something was wrong before he even opened the door.

Poe hurled an unused pad against the wall, screaming in fury, as Finn walked in.

Finn stepped gingerly around the scattered pieces, sliding the door shut behind him. “Poe?” he asked.

“I’m grounded. Squad’s going on a mission first thing in the morning and I’m stuck here.” Poe slammed his fists against the table. “And she couldn’t even give me a straight answer why.”

Finn slid into the chair opposite him. “Who couldn’t?”

“The General. All she said was that she had it on ‘good authority’ that I wasn’t fit to fly.” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, all the frustration leaving him in a rush. “Sorry, it just took me by surprise.” 

“No, no, it’s okay,” Finn hastily assured him. “What can I do?” He would be having a conversation with Captain Fraser later but that wouldn’t immediately help. 

Poe gaped at him. He hadn’t expected Finn to be this open, this willing to help. It took him off guard. “I have no idea,” he admitted. He racked his brain, thinking of anything he could do while stuck planetside. Mastala didn’t exactly have sights to see. But…

“You busy tomorrow?”

Finn shrugged. “I think I can beg a day off. Why?”

“I may be grounded but I can still fly test runs, check that the new speeders are adapted to the cold.” He paused, unsure how to ask Finn to come with him.

But Finn surprised him yet again. A bright smile lit his face. “You need a copilot?”

Poe slumped forward, relief coursing through his veins. “Yeah, I need a copilot.” 

Finn typed something onto his pad. In the few minutes it took for the reply to come in, he managed to keep his gaze pointedly on the screen, the tapping of his fingers on the table the only tell of his impatience.

The pad chimed with an incoming message.

“And I have tomorrow off,” he announced with a grin. “No begging needed.”

Despite the shit storm that had been his day, Poe found himself smiling too. Maybe getting some ground time wouldn’t be the worst thing if it meant he could spend it with Finn.

They wound up in the mess hall with the other pilots after Finn cleaned up the pieces of the pad; he shooed Poe away when he tried to help. Jessika and Ello sat across from them at one of the long tables, joined moments later by Iolo and Karé, and though they all talked over each other, laughing and joking loudly, none mentioned that their leader wouldn’t be with them tomorrow. 

Jessika hated that the General grounded Poe but she saw the necessity. He hadn’t been quite the same since he got back from Jakku and she wasn’t the only one who noticed the dark circles under his eyes or who covered for him when they caught him asleep against his X-wing. If he passed out on a maneuver or, gods forbid, on a mission… he could get a lot of people killed. She shuddered at the thought and forced herself to rejoin the conversation. 

Ello had pulled out his repertoire of crude jokes once the alcohol started flowing, which had half the table in fits of laughter and the other half burying their faces in their hands. She looked across to see Finn doubled over, his head on Poe’s shoulder, and Poe blushing bright red.

She had never seen Poe blush that badly.

A couple of days with Finn might do him good.

Poe wished them all luck on the mission in the morning, his voice quiet. Once they left the safety of the base, he couldn’t protect them. He couldn’t do anything. He was helpless. Just like he had been on Jakku. He needed to get away, get to someplace safe. 

In the commotion, only two people saw him leave.

Jessika pulled Finn aside before he could run after Poe. “Look after him while we’re gone, okay?” 

“Any idea how long that’ll be?” Finn asked, looking over her shoulder at the direction Poe had gone.

She shook her head. “Not a damn clue. And it’ll eat at him. So just…be there for him.”

He turned his full attention to her. “I will.”

She kissed his cheek. “Thank you. I owe you one.”

The rest of the pilots dispersed to their quarters, leaving Finn to find Poe. If there was one place Poe would go to be alone, it was the hangar that housed Black One. It was where Poe retreated to at night after he thought Finn was asleep. The first couple of nights Finn had been, had woken up to find Poe gone and his bed not slept in. After his initial panic, he’d sent BB-8 to check on him and the droid found him in the hangar, but neither he nor BB-8 had the heart to bother him.

With most of the flight staff preparing for the morning launch, the hangars were empty and every sound echoed violently off the rocks and machinery. Finn couldn’t sneak up on Poe if he wanted to.

He found Poe with his back against Black One’s landing gear. Whatever words he’d meant to say, he swallowed at how lost Poe looked. He reached out a hand.

Poe didn’t move at first but slowly his eyes focused on the hand in front of him. He looked up at Finn standing above him, letting his head rest on the landing gear.

“Come on,” Finn said. “I think you mentioned something about needing a copilot tomorrow.”

Poe gripped Finn’s offered hand and Finn pulled him to his feet.

They walked back to their room, Finn not once letting go of Poe’s hand.

***

_Ren dragged him across the sand. His body refused to answer any commands he gave it no matter how he struggled. Ren had disconnected his brain from his body._

_That blank face, a black hole of a mask, stared into him. “No one is coming for you.” It tilted its head. “But you know that, don’t you? You know that you’ll die here.”_

_He wanted to deny the voice, tell it it was wrong. Someone was coming for him but he couldn’t quite remember who._

_“I can do whatever I want. I can destroy every good memory you have. I’ve already burned Yavin. What makes you think I can’t do the same to everything else.” Ren leaned in closer. “And you will never escape.”_

_Pain erupted along every nerve ending._

_He tried to escape into any memory but everything burned. His X-wing burned. BB-8 shrieked as it caught fire. His parents’ faces, his home._

_Helpless._

_His fighter squadron exploding, the screams of his friends searing into his skin._

_Helpless._

_Ren dragged another figure over, head covered. They couldn’t see and Ren wasn’t gentle. They stumbled until Ren shoved them to their knees in front of Poe._

_Ren yanked the cloth off their head._

_Finn._

_He was saying something Poe couldn’t hear, crying out for him._

_He couldn’t see Ren’s face but he knew he was smiling as he stabbed Finn with his lightsaber._

“Finn!” He jolted awake, panicking more when he couldn’t disentangle himself from his sheets. By the time he retreated to the ‘fresher, he couldn’t breathe.

Finn startled at Poe’s cry. He rubbed his eyes blearily. There was no movement in the room, no sign of anything to indicate that what he’d heard was anything other than his own bad dream.

Aside from the soft whirring of distant machines and heaters, no sound broke the silence. Finn checked the room over. Poe’s bunk had been slept in, the sheets crumbled and wet with sweat. 

BB-8 powered up and saw Finn mulling around the room. It beeped worriedly and spun its head toward the ‘fresher.

Finn followed its gaze. The ‘fresher door was closed but light shone from under it. “Is he sick?” he asked quietly.

Another beep. Just a name that chilled Finn’s blood.

Kylo Ren.

It hit him then, why Mairi had insisted the General ground Poe, why Poe disappeared at night. He kicked himself for not noticing sooner, for letting it get this far. 

He pushed the door open. 

Poe sat on the floor, curled over the toilet. The faint, acrid smell of vomit clung to the air. 

Finn didn’t have to see the slight tremor of Poe’s shoulders before he sprang into action. He drenched a cloth in cold water and reached for him.

Poe flinched away.

Finn joined him on the floor. “It’s just me,” he assured him softly.

No response.

He tried again. “Poe.”

Poe leaned back, his entire body shaking with the effort. The dark circles under his eyes stood out against his far too pale skin.

Finn took advantage of the opening to reach up and flush. That taken care of, he faced Poe, who couldn’t meet his gaze. As gently as he could, he tilted Poe’s head up and wiped his mouth. He rinsed the cloth out and washed the rest of his face.

Poe’s eyes cleared. “Finn?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

“Yeah, buddy.”

Poe collapsed against his shoulder. 

Finn caught him easily and just held him, rubbing circles into his back as dry sobs shook him. He had heard from the stormtroopers guarding Poe’s cell what they thought Kylo Ren had done to get Poe to give up the intel about BB-8. They didn’t know – neither did Finn – but Poe wouldn’t have given up his mission, or his droid, willingly. Finn had faced Ren’s wrath on Starkiller and he had had the ability to defend himself. What kind of hell had Ren unleashed on Poe that shook loose what conventional torture couldn’t?

He helped Poe up when the floor pressed too painfully against his pelvic bone and he couldn’t feel his legs anymore and waited by the door as Poe rinsed his mouth out.

“Sorry I woke you up,” Poe muttered. He stumbled past Finn into their room, leaving him stuttering after him.

Finn caught up to him. “Poe, it’s fine.”

BB-8 rocked back and forth but didn’t make a noise. It didn’t know how to help its master so it could only watch Finn try.

Finn started maneuvering him to the bunks. 

Poe struggled and he let go. 

“You need sleep,” he insisted.

“I can’t,” Poe gasped.

Not sleeping would eventually kill him. Finn had seen it during training. Some trainees couldn’t handle the stress and would wake every night screaming before they could get REM sleep. The other trainees watched them descend into hallucinations before they died. It horrified Finn then and terrified him now. 

He couldn’t watch Poe die. 

“Please, Poe.” He was begging but he didn’t know what else to do. “Let me help.”

Poe squeezed Finn’s hand and sank onto Finn’s bunk. He buried his face in his hands. “I saw you die,” he whispered, his voice muffled.

Finn knelt on the floor beside him.

“It was on- on Jakku. A-and Ren had you and he…” Poe motioned with one hand, keeping his face covered with the other. “I couldn’t do anything.” His voice broke.

Though the metal floor dug into his knees, Finn ignored the pain. He grabbed Poe’s hand and pressed it to his cheek, letting Poe feel him alive and breathing. “I’m right here. I’m right here.” He reached up and wiped away a tear, his thumb trailing across Poe’s cheekbone.

Eventually, he climbed onto the bed and held Poe close, Poe clinging to him like a lifeline. 

Poe spoke slowly at first, offering up tiny pieces before sinking back into silence, but he told Finn everything. Every punch, every psychic drug they injected him with. Every memory that Ren touched. Every nightmare. He forced it out.

Finn said nothing. He gave Poe the space he needed to put his nightmare into the open.

“I was going to die. The Resistance couldn’t extract me if I got caught. They had to maintain neutrality.” He sneered the word. “I fucked up and no one was gonna bail me out.”

Finn sucked in a breath, pieces of their first conversation clicking into place. Small wonder Poe had looked at him like he was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen. “Yeah, but that’s what you have me for.”

Poe twisted, meeting Finn’s gaze for the first time that night. He stared at him as if he were searching for something.

“I won’t abandon you, Resistance be damned,” Finn promised. “You can’t get rid of me that easy.”

The smile Poe gave him, though weak, warmed him to his core.

BB-8 deemed it safe to enter the conversation, beeping tentatively as it rolled over form its corner. It looked up at Finn expectantly.

Finn chuckled. “Yeah, I think he’ll be okay.”

Poe shook his head. “It’d be so much easier if you two didn’t gang up on me.” 

BB-8 trilled something to the effect of: “You’re an easy mark.”

Finn stifled a laugh as Poe started to get up to climb up to his own bunk but Finn grabbed his hand, pulling him gently back onto his bunk. Poe didn’t need to be asked twice.

They struggled to both fit on the narrow bed but they curled up enough to make it work. 

Poe buried his face in Finn’s chest.

Finn wrapped his arms around him and pressed his lips to Poe’s hair. He hummed a tune of his own making until Poe’s breathing evened out.


	8. Chapter 8

Poe couldn’t quite remember how he ended up in Finn’s bunk. His head throbbed like he’d been run over by a stampeding herd of bantha. He tried to shift but a weight against his back held him in place.

The arm draped over his waist tightened and his heartbeat quickened until Finn muttered something that sounded like, “Go back to sleep,” his breath rustling Poe’s hair.

The previous night barreled into him. The nightmare, the terror. It only made it worse – that Finn saw him.

Except Finn said nothing and patiently took care of him.

And he made it through the night without another nightmare.

He closed his eyes but couldn’t get rid of the image of Finn kneeling at his side or the feeling of Finn’s hand on his face. His mind tried to recall the nightmares, the torture he’d suffered, but Finn pulled him closer and all thoughts left him. 

He lay there, the heat from Finn’s body seeping into him, calling him back to sleep, but he spotted his communicator flashing on the table. The jolt of cold air hitting him as he threw the covers off chased away any remnants of sleep.

Finn groaned at the loss of warmth. “What’s up?” he said.

Poe scanned the message from the General, pointedly ignoring what Finn’s sleep-roughened voice did to him. “I have the day off.”

“Off? What do you mean ‘off’?”” Finn asked, struggling to sit up. “What time is it?”

Poe glanced at the chrono. He did a double take. “After morning shift.”

Finn swore, saying words Poe knew he hadn’t taught him. He scrambled out of bed, the sheets tangling around his legs. “Captain’s gonna kill me.”

Poe handed him his communicator. “Looks like you got something too.”

Finn read his message out loud. “’I shut off your alarm remotely. Figured you needed a day. Don’t say I never did nothing for you, kid. Mairi.’” He smiled up at Poe. “Apparently, I have today off too.”

“How did she even know to do that?,” Poe griped but he couldn’t say he wasn’t glad of her intervening. He disappeared into the ‘fresher – he hoped a shower would wash the remnants of last night away.

When he walked out, toweling his hair dry, he caught Finn in the middle of changing, the scar trailing down his back. “Does it hurt?” he asked before his brain could stop him.

Finn looked over his shoulder, fighting to turn a t-shirt right side in. “Does what hurt?” 

“Your scar.” 

Finn shrugged. “Not much. It twinges occasionally if I move the wrong way.” He couldn’t get the shirt to cooperate. “Nothing serious.”

Poe maneuvered around the table and took it from Finn, quickly turning it right. He handed it back. “Are you ever going to get your own clothes?”

Finn’s face fell. “I-I guess I can put in a req request.” He held the shirt out for Poe to take.

Poe hastily pushed it back, his hands lingering a second too long over Finn’s. “Finn, I was kidding. You can steal my stuff whenever you want.” He walked back to the ‘fresher. “It might be weird though if you show up to mission briefs in my uniform,” he teased from the doorway.

The t-shirt hit him in the face.

“You’re an ass, Poe Dameron.” But Finn grinned as he said it.

“You have no idea.” He leaned around the frame. “How about this?” he proposed, “Next time I’m planetside somewhere that’s not at the ass end of nowhere, I’ll pick you up something.”

Judging by Finn’s smile, he’d hit the jackpot. 

They grabbed breakfast rations in the mess hall, the emptiness cutting through their conversation. The techs had long since finished breakfast and the pilots that normally would dash in and out in twos and threes were flying their mission. Poe felt the helplessness creep back into his bones and set his nerves on edge. 

“Poe? Poe!”

It took a moment to realize Finn was calling him. He blinked back tears. “Sorry. Was just thinking.”

Finn gripped his hand, lacing their fingers together. “What happens on this mission is not on you.”

He didn’t even question how Finn knew what he was thinking. “They’re my squadrons. I should be up there with them.” 

Finn shifted in his seat. “Do you trust your captains?”

“Of course.” He wasn’t sure where Finn was going with this.

“Then trust them to keep the rest of them safe. That’s their job.” Finn caught and held his gaze. “Okay?” 

He swallowed down everything he wanted to say, everything he wanted to do, in that moment, and bent his head to rest against Finn’s chest.

They stayed there, two souls pressed together in an enormous empty room that might as well have been the universe.

BB-8 joined them, its irate warbling filling the room with noise, interrupting their moment without any ado. Between Finn and BB-8, the universe seemed determined to not let Poe wallow. And he was thankful for it.

“Did you need anything, BB?”

Another long serious of beeps, more irate than the last.

Poe shared a smile with Finn before assuring the droid that everything was fine. 

It raspberried and turned to Finn for confirmation.

Finn held his hands up. “Don’t look at me. I’m not getting involved in this.”

“So you’re just going to leave me to him?” Poe asked, feigning hurt. “Ouch.”

“Hey, he’s your droid. It’s not my fault when you leave him alone, he gets touchy.”

BB-8 beeped at Finn.

“I did not adopt you! When did I adopt you?!” 

It went off on a tirade about Rey, and Han, and Chewie, and the Millennium Falcon, and how it helped him with Rey. Something about being a “big deal.”

Poe leaned back and let the droid work. Neither he nor Finn had really discussed how Finn had ended up where he had after escaping Jakku. To hear BB-8 tell it, it must have been a trip.

“What was that about rathtars?”

Finn groaned. “Aside from the fact I almost got eaten?”

“You what?”

BB-8 beeped an affirmative.

“Yeah, I almost got eaten.” He bit off a large chunk of ration bar. “Not an experience I want to repeat.”

Poe pointed a finger at him. “I want to hear all about how you got off Jakku.”

Mischief twinkled in Finn’s eyes. “I thought we were flying test runs on the speeders. I can’t do both.”

“We’ll take breaks. I’m not letting you off the hook.” 

“Deal.”

Finn had no experience with snow speeders, which became painfully obvious when Poe showed him around the systems. They were similar enough to X-wings, both manufactured by the same corporation but the speeders were designed solely for atmospheric flight.

Repulsorlift engines powered the speeders as opposed to the ion engines on the X-wings and TIE fighters, which made them more temperamental to work with. The Resistance fighters, as the Rebellion before them, added various armaments to the speeders, none of which the engines were designed to handle, making them all the harder still to work with. 

But Poe knew these ships inside and out, just as he did with X-wings and he walked Finn through adding heaters to protect the drive units. “You want the heat directed at the unit but not straight at it. That’ll fry the components.”

“How did you get so good at this?” Finn asked as he struggled to attach a heater the speeder they were working on.

“My mom taught me. She was a pilot in the Alliance,” Poe explained. “I don’t think Dad wanted me to get involved – they both got out for good reason.” He rubbed at his temple with an area on his sleeve not covered in grease. “But flying’s in my blood.”

Finn finished attaching the heater. “How’s this?”

Poe examined what he’d done. He hadn’t been able to figure out these modifications for weeks when he’d first started but Finn managed it in one go. “That’s damn good work.” He bumped Finn’s shoulder. “Sure you weren’t a mechanic in a former life?”

“I think I’ll pass. I’ve seen enough grease to last more than one lifetime,” Finn complained. He scrubbed his hands with a spare cloth. “This stuff does not come off.”

Poe stilled Finn’s hands and took the cloth from him. He dipped it into a bucket of liquid and handed it back to Finn. The cloth absorbed the grease like water. 

Finn was content to get it off his hands but he still had a smear across his forehead.

Poe took the cloth and wiped it away, Finn’s gaze piercing into him. Finn’s mouth suddenly too mesmerizing and overriding every single warning in his head saying this was a bad idea, he traced Finn’s lips with his thumb.

“Poe?” Finn asked hesitantly, his voice rough.

Poe dropped his hand. “Sorry,” he muttered, fleeing to check on another speeder.

Finn stared at his retreating form, thoroughly confused.

***

“What do you mean?” Rey asked. 

“I thought-“ Finn paused, wondering how to phrase it, “I thought he was going to kiss me.”

Rey pursed her lips. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. He ran a hand over his hair. The afternoon still stumped him. After… well, after that, Poe had disappeared. Finn searched around the other speeders but Poe was gone.

Strangely hurt, Finn had returned to their room and called the one person he knew could set him straight.

“Did you want him to?”

The question shocked him. “What?”

“Did you want him to?” she repeated patiently.

And that was the crux of it. “I don’t know.” It seemed like that was all he was capable of saying. “Maybe?” 

She arched an eyebrow but said nothing more on the matter. “But you are staying with the Resistance then?”

“Thinking about joining their spec ops,” he informed her.

Her gaze turned thoughtful. “That’ll be a good fit for you. I’d tell your Captain you’ll take her up on her offer.” She took a pad from Skywalker offscreen. “How goes your search into Poe’s mission?”

“Haven’t had a chance to really go over it yet.”

“I have some time,” she said, her voice hopeful. “Take your mind off-“ she made a vague motion with her hand “- stuff.”

Finn forced a smile and swallowed the ache settling in his bones. “Let’s get to work.”

They poured over the data, working well past dinner and into the night shift.

“You said this wasn’t the first mission to have complications, right?”

Finn gave her the data from Snap’s reconnaissance run. 

No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t make the connections both knew had to be there. They were missing key data and Finn had no idea how they’d get it.

Finn continued to examine it even after he and Rey said their goodbyes. He propped himself up in his bed and surrounded himself with different data pads. He’d figure this out if it took him all night.

“Finn,” Mairi’s voice came through the communicator, “have you seen Poe recently?”

“Not for a while.” His stomach sank. “Why? Something went wrong, didn’t it? With the mission?”

Silence stretched far too long. “You need to find him and get him here. Quickly.”

“Yes ma’am.” 

Finn dashed from the room. Poe was not in any of his usual haunts but Finn finally found him in the mess hall. “Where the hell is your communicator?” he demanded, striding over. 

“I must have left it in the hangar,” Poe muttered, looking anywhere but at him. “I’m sorry about earlier, I-“

“We’ll talk about that. Later,” Finn promised. Urgency crept into his voice. “But Captain Fraser’s been trying to get a hold of you.”

Something in his tone registered with Poe. His face fell slack. “What happened?”

“I don’t know. Come on.”

The silence in the command center told Finn everything he needed to know. 

“Blue two and six are down,” Jessika said. Her voice, though it shook, was strong. “First Order forces are in pursuit.”

Only Finn’s quick reflexes kept Poe on his feet.

Mairi walked over. “Commander, we need you. Are you fit for duty?” She glanced over her shoulder. “Actually, I need you both. We’ve got to get them to safety.” She led them to the central display console where the remaining ships’ call signs were displayed in formation.

“Requesting evac route.” Jessika, again.

Finn pulled over a chair and called up a map of the region of space they were in. “Just a minute, Blue Three. Checking now.”

Poe stood over his shoulder. He gripped the back of the seat hard enough his knuckles turned white.

“There’s a hyperspace corridor they can use,” Mairi pointed out.

“They can’t evade the fleet down that. It’s too obvious. And First Order ships can outrun ours.”

“Have them vent the coolant from their engines,” Poe said. “It should confuse their sensors long enough to make the jump.”

Finn caught on to Poe’s plan immediately and got back on the open channel. “Blue Three, Blue squad, proceed to mark 0.5 and vent your coolant.”

“Roger that, Base One,” a male pilot whose voice Finn didn’t recognize said.

Other pilots echoed him.

Jessika couldn’t help but be different. “Thanks for the bailout, Finn. We owe you one.”

Finn chuckled humorlessly. “Not quite done yet. And it wasn’t just me.” He glanced up at Poe but Poe’s eyes were squeezed shut. He walked them through a complex maneuver that would eventually dump them in the corridor Mairi had selected. With the First Order sensors disabled, they couldn’t track the series of jumps the pilots would make.

“Red Squadron following Blue Squad’s lead.”

Several moments passed.

“First Order is not in pursuit. I repeat, not in pursuit,” Jessika confirmed. “The first leg of our mission failed. Proceed with leg two?”

The General approached the console. “Affirmative, Captain. This mission is a priority.”

Poe started to protest, “General-“

She cut him off. “This isn’t a debate, Commander. I’ll brief you and Finn in the morning but the survival of the Resistance depends on this.” She looked around. “Maintain contact with both squadrons at all times. I’m not losing any more people if I can help it.” 

“We have seven hours of downtime by the book,” Mairi explained. “I suggest any nonessential personnel get some sleep. The next few days will be brutal.”


	9. Chapter 9

Finn felt the pressure of being on a timetable and getting the remaining pilots back alive. Sleep wouldn’t come easy despite how badly he needed it. Every time he would start to doze off, his brain would remind him how little time he had to sleep, how much he had to do. It was a vicious cycle to add to his already keyed up nerves. He dreaded even getting started. Some small part of him still wanted to run away – from the fighting, the killing, the responsibility of keeping people alive – but one glance at Poe anchored him.

Poe, who had just lost two of his friends, was unreadable, his face a mask.

Finn wanted to reach out, wanted to comfort him, but he didn’t think his efforts would be welcome. That chewed through the numbness settling over him and twisted around his heart. Something shifted that afternoon and he desperately wished for it to change back.

But it wouldn’t.

It sat between them, the rancor in the room, and there wasn’t time to clear it, not walking back to their room or after they got there – not with them on such a tight schedule. They couldn’t occupy the same space until it was gone. The silence stretched too long, filling with words that needed to be said but neither would say.

Finn fled into the ‘fresher, pausing only long enough to grab something to change into and locking the door behind him. He leaned over the sink and groaned. His lungs wouldn’t let him get enough air. The shower did little to help – he barely felt the water spilling over him. He slid down the wall and broke into sobs.

The General had warned him about this but oh, living it was so much worse.

_Pull yourself together, Finn_ , he told himself. And he managed enough to leave the relative safety of the ‘fresher and enter their room, his dirty clothes crumpled under one arm. He hadn’t had the time or presence of mind to grab a spare shirt and his chest constricted when the cold air hit him.

In the privacy of their room, Poe dropped his mask. The air around him vibrated, a spring coiled too tightly. He threw his communicator onto the table. “Damn it!” He punched the closest wall and Finn winced at the sound of bone connecting with concrete. Whatever else Poe wanted say was lost in the involuntary intake of breath at the pain blossoming along his fingers.

BB-8 rolled over but Finn shushed it before it made any noise.

Poe clutched his hand to his chest, his breathing shallow.

“Let me look at that,” Finn said, his desire to protect Poe overriding any warning his brain could make against it.

“Leave it,” came the short reply.

“Poe-“

“I said leave it!”

Poe struggled to climb the ladder to his bunk with his injured hand but he wanted nothing more than to slip into oblivion and forget the last twenty-four hours even happened. He had failed the people he cared about, the people he swore to protect. He never felt more helpless. And he couldn’t even look at Finn, couldn’t go to him for comfort, because of how badly he had fucked up that afternoon. He was trapped and the only person he could be angry at was himself.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Finn asked, throwing his clothes onto their pile tucked in the corner.

“To bed?” Poe replied, barely containing his irritation, his hand throbbing. He was too drained to play games and too sick to care.

“Not up there, you’re not. Get your ass back down here.” Finn grabbed a mostly clean shirt off the back of his chair and put it on. He had just gotten Poe through one night – he was not about to let him revert to bad habits so quickly.

Poe hopped back onto the floor. “Didn’t know you wanted my ass that badly,” he retorted, far meaner than he intended. But he could meet Finn’s gaze angry.

Finn was in his personal space before he could blink. “You have no idea what I want, Poe Dameron,” he countered, his voice quivering. “You made that real clear.”

Poe recoiled, Finn’s words cutting more than a slap.

Finn continued as if Poe hadn’t reacted. “But I can settle on both of us getting some amount of sleep because I will be damned if I let any more of your pilots die!”

“Why do you care?”

Finn barked out a laugh. ‘Why do I care that the First Order is killing people? Is that even something you need to ask? After Hosnian Prime? After Starkiller?”

Poe shook his head and pulled away. His skin felt too tight, his lungs too small. “Is that it? That’s the only reason you give a damn? The First Order is bad?” 

“Is that not good enough?” Finn snapped. “I’ve seen first hand what they’re capable of!” 

“So have I!”

“I was a stormtrooper! I am what they’re capable of!” 

Finn’s outburst shocked them both into silence.

A nagging voice told Finn that was all he would ever be, no matter how long and hard he fought for the Resistance. He stormed out of the room before Poe could think of a way to undo what had happened – he didn’t see how gutted he left him. 

He wasn’t quite aware of where he was walking. All he could feel was the cold air on his face, the uneven stone under his bare feet.

He reached for a door, startled to find he was at the firing range. No one was there. That late at night, not even Mairi’s unit was practicing. 

The lights flickered on as the motion detectors registered his movements. An array of blasters covered the back table. He picked up a pistol he’d been practicing with – a similar model to the blaster he had used as a stormtrooper.

The blaster fire from Jakku flooded the range amid the screams of dying villagers.

Finn threw the blaster down, the blood of those villagers spilling from his hands. He cried out in horror and desperately tried to wipe it off on his shirt.

_Their deaths are on you. All the people you failed to save._

Another pair of hands gripped him by the wrists. 

Everything faded. Finn blinked and found himself back at the range, Poe’s face swimming into focus.

“You back with me, buddy?”

He scanned the room but saw nothing out of place and, braving a glance at his hands, saw no blood. The echoes, however, refused to be silenced. He closed his eyes and willed them to go away. 

“Finn?”

He opened his eyes.

Poe watched him, his concern plain. 

“Yeah?”

“Are you with me?” Quieter, more desperate.

“I’m fine.” It was a blatant lie.

“You zoned out for a minute,” Poe said, his hands still gripping Finn’s wrists. “You sure?”

Though his voice shook, Finn said yes.

Poe let go of his wrists. “Fine.” He turned to leave.

“I didn’t have anything with the First Order,” Finn blurted out, stopping Poe in his tracks. “They took away everything: family, friends, even a name. I was a number.” Poe inhaled sharply, remembering that conversation. The anger it had stirred hadn’t lessened. “Trained to do one thing.” Finn met his gaze, the knowledge of that thing hanging in the air between them. “I watched those people die on Jakku, held my friend’s hand when he died. And I couldn’t do anything when Ren killed Solo. Why is it so bad that that’s the reason I care?”

Poe froze, the realization of how Finn had taken what he’d said – the hell he had triggered – sinking in. “It’s not,” he rushed to assure him. “Finn, it’s not. It’s just-“ he sighed, walking over to put the blaster back on the table. How was he supposed to fix this?

Finn’s mind calmed as he stared at Poe’s back. “I don’t know what do you want me to say then.” he admitted quietly. “I can’t change what happened. Not to me, not to you, or to them.” He lowered his head. “I wish I could.”

“Finn-“ 

“I care because I’ve seen too many good people die.” Poe took one step toward him. “I care because I don’t wanna be what the First Order made me to be.” Another step. “I care about your pilots because you do. Because you’d do anything for them and you’re stuck here.” Step. “I can’t promise we’ll get them all back, but you gotta know I’m gonna try my best.” One final step brought them toe to toe. “You gotta believe that.”

Poe blinked back tears. “I do, buddy.” 

Finn barreled into him, hugging him so tightly he couldn’t breathe. He buried his face in the crook of Poe’s neck. 

Poe couldn’t quite make out the words but he thought Finn whispered, “Thank you,” into his skin. 

He pulled back, cradling Finn’s face in his hands. Pain shot across his knuckles where he’d punched the wall but he easily ignored it. “If anyone can get my guys back safe, it’s you.” He caught Finn’s gaze and held it. “I trust you.” He reached under Finn’s chin and tilted his head up. 

Finn’s knees went weak as Poe’s lips ghosted over his.

It was a gentle thing, their first kiss, nothing more than the lightest touch.

“You- you-“ Finn stammered.

“I should’ve done this earlier,” Poe murmured. “I shouldn’t’ve disappeared on you. I just – I’m an idiot.”

Finn smiled – not quite his usual sun-rivaling smile but a smile nonetheless. “Guess you’re my idiot now.”

Poe huffed a laugh. He brought his hand up to run through his hair and winced at the motion.

Finn took Poe’s injured hand in his. “Can I look at this now?”

Poe couldn’t make his mouth work so he just nodded.

Bruises had already started to form across Poe’s knuckles by the time they got back to their room and Finn set about a proper examination but the skin wasn’t torn. Finn checked for broken bones but, though Poe gasped in pain when he prodded some of the bruises, found none. Every time Poe flinched or inhaled, Finn murmured, “Sorry.” After his examination, he turned to BB-8. “BB-8, will you get an ice pack?”

The droid trilled an affirmative and tumbled out of the room.

Finn still held Poe’s injured hand. “You didn’t break anything but it’ll hurt like hell for a few days.”

“It already does.”

Finn kissed his forehead. “I know. Working on it.”

BB-8 returned with an ice pack. It handed it to Finn with a thumbs up.

“Thanks, BB.” Finn took the pack and pressed it to Poe’s knuckles. “Keep this on five, ten minutes at a time, at least an hour apart.”

Poe nodded absentmindedly, his gaze drifting.

“Tell me about them.”

“What?”

“The pilots we lost – tell me about them.”

As he held the ice to Poe’s hand, he learned about Ileen Kodos and Gyxel. Ileen had been flying since she was three but she loved to play the violin in her downtime. Gyxel, with his four arms, had mastered the art of playing multiplayer videogames solo. He was the one to beat in competitive games but he couldn’t handle horror games in any capacity.

“They were good people,” Poe whispered into Finn’s chest. 

“I know.”

***

The alarm came far too early. Both Finn and Poe struggled out of bed and hastily threw themselves together. Finn still did not have a uniform so he made do with some of Poe’s nicer clothes. He would eventually need more of his own gear but today wasn’t that day. No one would be focused on that anyway.

He examined Poe’s hand in the few spare minutes they had. The bruises had turned spectacular shades of blue and purple but he found no signs of swelling.

BB-8 whistled. A message had come in from Captain Fraser. They were needed in the command center.

There were no words they could exchange. What they were about to enter was a different hell than Starkiller, than their mission to find Skywalker. Neither quite knew what was at stake except the lives of their friends but that was enough.

Finn sighed, opening his mouth to say something, but he glanced at Poe, saw how wrecked he was. He spun Poe to face him and kissed him, pouring every reassurance he lacked the ability to say into the contact. Maybe Poe’s lips were just this side of too dry and maybe they bumped their noses together trying to make it work.

But when Poe broke away, his breath coming in short gasps, staring at Finn like he was a sun, none of that mattered.

“Let’s go save our guys.”


	10. Chapter 10

Though Poe and Finn could barely move in the command center because of how many people were working consoles and displays, their voices overlaying in a cacophony, Mairi managed to find them.

“Come with me. The General wants to talk with both of you.”

Finn shared a worried glance with Poe but they had no choice but to follow her. He desperately hoped something hadn’t already gone wrong with the mission.

The General’s office was relatively peaceful compared to the chaos outside its door. Only the highest ranking officers occupied the space. Finn recognized some of them from the times he’d been in the command center but they were not people he interacted with. He had the impression this was not an ordinary meeting.

Strangely, he saw that Commander Fraser was not present.

Mairi nodded at the General and the gathered majors and admirals. “I got ‘em. Floor’s yours, General.”

“Thank you, Captain.” She addressed the room, “Let’s get started.”

An image filled the room – a map of the outskirts of the galaxy lit up in several distinct locations.

“These are the known First Order outposts, factories, and supply depots as we’ve gathered from reconnaissance missions. As you can see, they’ve stuck mostly to the Outer Rim and Unknown Regions. Our intel had suggested they were relatively undefended.” She nodded at Poe. “Commander Dameron’s mission showed us… otherwise.”

“Finn hasn’t been read into that mission,” Poe informed her. “As per your explicit instructions.” He didn’t bother to hide the annoyance in his voice.

She sighed. “I think we’re well past that.” She motioned at the display. “It was your command. Fill him in.”

The same source of intel that Snap had followed provided the information that a stormtrooper training facility had been established on the planet Dorlo in the Atravis sector, not far – relatively – from the Resistance’s new base. It was one of several potential targets in that intel packet but, and Poe ran a hand through his hair nervously, he’d chosen it in hopes of rescuing children from their fate.

Finn shot him a questioning glance.

The attention of the entire room was on Poe but Poe only had eyes for Finn. “I couldn’t let anyone else be trapped with the First Order. Not if I could help it.”

Mairi cleared her throat, a hint of a smile on her lips.

Finn startled but Poe took the interruption in stride. “But when we got there, the facility was abandoned.” Poe showed a series of stills of the facility in question. 

Finn studied each of the images in turn. “It was abandoned before it was used,” he murmured.

“What do you mean?” the General asked.

Finn pointed at one image. “This would have been a training room. You’d see scorch marks all over it if troopers had used it.” He scrolled to another image. “Look at the mess hall. Even with the overgrowth, you can tell those heating units had never been turned on.”

Poe looked at him. “So what – this was a decoy?”

“Or just a facility that wasn’t needed,” Major Ematt hypothesized.

Finn shook his head. “The First Order is efficient. If it weren’t needed, they wouldn’t have built it.” He called up the mission’s location and overlaid it on top of the training facility locations he remembered. The First Order didn’t deem it a hazard to keep that information unclassified from stormtroopers. The two were nowhere close to each other. “They tend to keep training facilities in systems already heavily armored.” He pointed at the map. “The intel you got for Poe’s mission was wrong. It was designed to mislead you.”

Ematt asked, “To what end?” 

Finn switched the image from the galaxy map to a series of documents no one else had seen before. “These are First Order strategy manuals for soldiers adept at intelligence or espionage.” He watched the faces around the room change from curiosity to concern as he explained the First Order’s method.

“Is this information accurate?” another admiral demanded. “How did you get this?”

“It was part of my training,” Finn replied quietly. “I have it memorized.”

Poe stepped in. “If Finn says it’s accurate, it is.”

“If it was a decoy, they missed their chance to use it,” Mairi mused, switching back to the galaxy map. “I mean, why build it? It seems elaborate for so little payoff.”

“The captain’s right,” Poe agreed. “We didn’t lose anybody. It was tight but nothing was damaged and no one got hurt.”

Finn rotated the map to get a better look. “That could have been the plan.” 

The General nodded. “Poe, you did say there were two Resurgent-class Star Destroyers orbiting the planet you hid on. Could you have gotten away undetected?”

“No. They knew we were there.” Poe switched off the display. “We hid our ships in cover after we landed and waited til they left orbit but I don’t know how we could have evaded their sensors.”

Finn had the feeling these questions had been asked before, and had received the same answers. A dance being replayed for his benefit.

Mairi twisted her hair around her finger, her gaze thoughtful. “So the question is: does this mission play into this? Should we abort?”

“That would depend on how you got the information for the mission,” Finn reasoned. 

“The same source as before,” a major admitted quietly.

Poe clutched Finn’s hand. “We sent them into a trap?”

“There’s no way to know.” Admiral Ackbar approached the desk. “But the pilots are on alert after the surprise attack yesterday. That should give them some advantage.”

Poe opened his mouth to say something, his entire body shaking. He wanted to shout that their advantage came at the cost of two of their own.

Finn squeezed his hand.

He swallowed the anger and bile building in the back of his throat.

“Let’s assume it is,” the General said. “Our priority should still be the primary mission objective.”

“What about my pilots? Why can’t we abort?” Poe asked, relying on the warmth of Finn’s hand in his to keep from screaming.

“This leg of their mission is to take out a primary Star Destroyer assembly line. We can’t afford to.”

Poe exhaled and bowed his head.

“I’m sorry, Poe,” she said.

“If this is a trap, how would they use this against us?” Admiral Ackbar asked.

“Aside from decimating what’s left of our fighters?” Poe snapped.

“That wouldn’t be their end game. It’s too easy,” Finn admitted. “Rey and me – we couldn’t figure it out. They play it like a chess game – strategically place their pieces based on solid intel they’ve tested and vouched for. But to what end?”

The officers assembled took the news that he and Rey had been working overtime on this in stride. In fact, some nodded their approval, the General included.

“An attack on the base seems like their most viable option,” Mairi suggested. “Without the New Republic fleet or the government to support us, we’re in a bad way.”

The General leaned over her desk. “The planet does our job for us. We’re too deep for an aerial bombardment to be effective –“

“And nothing can survive on the surface,” Ematt continued. “It’s too damn cold.”

Finn shot down that idea. “They can modify their siege machines. And stormtrooper armor can be specially designed to repel the cold. Troopers could patrol the surface of Starkiller for hours and never feel it.”

“That’s a risk we’ll have to take then.” Leia looked around the room. “I want plans on my desk within the hour for extraction plans should the mission go south.”

“We should be prepared to evacuate should it become a necessity,” Ackbar added.

“You can have my sister get on that,” Mairi muttered.

Leia ignored the venom in her tone. “I’ll let her supervise getting all nonessential gear packed and stored on transport ships.” She pushed back from the desk. “Dismissed.”

The officers filed out, leaving Poe and Finn alone in the General’s office.

“Why didn’t you tell me that’s what you were doing?” Finn asked, genuinely curious.

“Why didn’t you tell me you and Rey were having late night study sessions?” Poe asked almost at the same time.

Finn shrugged. “I needed an extra pair of eyes to try to figure out what the hell’s been going on. Your mission bugged the hell out of me – not that I had a lot of time to look into it – but she thought it would help distract me… And I’m rambling.” 

“Just a bit.” Poe chuckled at how sheepish Finn looked. “I’m glad she helped.” 

“Me too.” Finn’s smile was soft. “Thanks. You know? For what you were trying to do.”

Poe ducked his head to hide the blush spreading across his cheeks. “It ended up being a bust but…yeah, sure thing.” He met Finn’s gaze. “I wanted to tell you but the General wanted it kept between as few people as possible.” 

Finn held a finger up to Poe’s lips. “I’m not mad. I get it.”

Poe clasped Finn’s hand. “We make it through today – I’ll tell you everything about that mission. Promise.”

Mairi coughed from the doorway. “We’re expecting contact with the squadrons in a minute, guys. If you want to join us.”

Poe inhaled, his breath shaking.

Finn pulled him close. “I know.”

“I don’t see a way this mission goes right.”

Finn caressed Poe’s face, memorizing the feel of Poe’s skin against his, the sandpaper roughness where Poe hadn’t shaved, the laugh lines around his eyes. “I told you I’d get them back. No matter what happens today, I intend to do that.”

Poe wanted to tell him to stop saying things like that, to stop being the hero for him, because his heart couldn’t take it. But that promise was all that kept him going and let him hold his head high.

And Finn, despite the fear pumping through him, understood.

They joined the officers and ground staff at the center console in the command center. The nervous energy thrumming between people standing shoulder to shoulder pushed aside any other feeling.

“What the hell is going on?” Commander Fraser shoved her way to the display. She glared at the people gathered around it. “I thought the mission was scrubbed.”

Mairi met her glare with one of her own. “We unscrubbed it.”

“How much did you have to do with it?” the Commander demanded. “How many strings did you pull to keep those pilots in harm’s way?” She pointed an accusing finger at her sister. “You just got a lot of good people killed.”

“The decision has already been made, Commander,” the General told her. “We continue with the mission.”

“Blue Three to Base One.” Jessika’s voice filled the room and all conversations ceased. “Mission objective in range. Proceeding.”

Tense silence followed her statement, no one willing to rile up the pair further.

Poe switched on his comm. “Roger, Blue Three. We copy you’re proceeding.” He faced Commander Fraser. “They’re my pilots. My call.” Finn’s hand once again ended up entwined with his, his anchor.

She groaned in disgust and stormed out of the room.

“Engaging target.”

“Red Two, proceed to mark 05.”

“Roger that.”

“Blue Squadron, line up for bombing run.”

“Bombing run successful. Target destroyed.”

The connection fizzled, any further communication garbled in snow.

Techs immediately set to work to correct the problem but in seconds, it passed.

“Base One, do you copy?” Jessika asked frantically. “We’ve been set up! There’s fighters everywhere!”

Voices overlapped as everyone tried to get a message through.

“We can’t fight them.” The microphones crackled with explosions. “Shit! Red Six has to emergency land! We’re landing! Do you read us, Base-”

Everything went dark – the display, the comms, the whole set up.

Poe tightened his grip on Finn’s hand.

“What happened?” Leia demanded.

“No idea, ma’am. We’re working to reacquire communication.”

“Fix it.” She pulled Poe away, leaving Finn’s hand cold.

“You know they’ll send spec ops in, right?” Mairi asked, standing at his side and examining the data beside him.

“It makes the most sense.” Finn kept an eye on the General and Poe, her hand on his shoulder his only support. Damn the First Order to hell.

Mairi’s voice startled him. “Okay, first test: what’s the best strategy?”

He struggled to answer but offered the best textbook solution. “You’ll double up on extraction teams, each led by a competent field commander. Depending on the extraction point, you’ll prepare for aerial or ground assault.”

She nodded. “Exactly. Quick, dirty, get the job done.” She turned from the display. “This is crunch time, Finn. Moment of truth. Are you joining my unit?”

Watching Poe’s world crumble around him, it wasn’t a hard decision. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. You’ll be leading the second team.”

Finn sputtered. “I’ll be what?”

“Look, my guys are good. You’ve seen them – they’re damn good. But most of them haven’t seen a lot of real action. I have. And you have. And you know the First Order better than any of us. I intend to use that to our advantage.” She crossed her arms. “This is your last chance to jump ship. If you’re gonna bail, do it now.”

He squared his shoulders. “I can handle it.”

“Captain Fraser,” Leia said, her voice cutting through the quiet conversations between officers and techs. “Is your unit prepped for deployment?”

Mairi didn’t miss how far Poe’s face fell. “Yes, General.” She grabbed her comm and radioed her crew. “We are go. Prepare for immediate departure.” She nodded toward Poe. “It’ll take thirty minutes to run final checks. If you want to say goodbye.”

Finn didn’t need to be asked twice.


	11. Chapter 11

Finn approached the warship. Docked in a separate hangar, it wasn’t in a well-known location on the base and most people didn’t know it even existed. In a way, she was like the unit that called her theirs. He scanned the sleek lines of the _Firebird,_ her name emblazoned on her side. Based on an older Nubian design, reminiscent of the glory days of the Republic before the Empire, it could be deadly in the right hands. Hopefully, with it, they could sneak past any First Order ships they encountered and rescue the pilots without incident.

“She’s got a Class 1 hyperdrive,” Mairi informed him, her voice ringing out from where she was loading cases of weapons and ammunition onto the ship. “She could easily outrun the old Imperial cruisers.” She glanced up at her ship. “Not so sure about those First Order nasties. They seem to have upgraded a good bit of their tech.”

Finn sighed in relief. “They still use Class 2 drives. It puts too much pressure on the larger ships to use faster drives.” He searched the exterior for weapons. “What about weapons capabilities?” 

She crossed her arms. “Standard complement of laser cannons. Plus a few modifications of my own.” She smiled wolfishly. “And the only other person who knows about them is the General herself.”

“That won’t be enough if we go against a First Order fleet,” Finn mused. The ship packed less of a punch than he hoped. The Resistance was hurting for supplies, he knew, but if this was the best ship it could send on such an important mission…

Mairi huffed. “Come with me.” She led him up the loading ramp. “One of the last upgrades we outfitted her with is a state-of-the-art cloaking device,” she explained as they walked. “Should let us slip past anyone we meet, accomplish our objective, and get back. No mess, no fuss.”

Finn gazed about the interior in wonder. Though not the harsh lines and colors of a First Order ship, it wasn’t the drab underground he’d come to associate with the Resistance either. If what Mairi said was true, they might have a shot at this mission after all. All he knew for certain was that he knew nothing about the ship his life was depending on. The earliest he was free, he planned to fix that. It would be a decent distraction from everything at the very least.

“How was Poe when you left?” Mairi watched him with some concern.

He sighed, pressing his palms into his eyes. “About as good as you’d expect.”

She looked him over. “Where’s your jacket?”

Finn started to wrap his arms around himself but stopped abruptly. He pushed past her toward the direction of the bridge. “I left it behind,” he replied shortly. His shoulders slumped. “Just in case.” He didn’t tell her how badly gutted Poe had been, how broken, standing there in a quiet alcove in the command center, the jacket hanging limply in his hands.

“Why are you giving me this?” Poe had asked, the fear and pain so clear on his face.

Finn had struggled to put into words how much that jacket meant to him, why he wore it everywhere. It was the first thing that he could hold and touch and call his. A physical representation of the name Poe gave him. He couldn’t bear to put it in harm’s way again.

He didn’t tell her how Poe had dragged him into an empty office – that ended up being Poe’s – and kissed him until he couldn’t think anymore.

Or how Poe had whispered against his lips, “Come back. Come home,” and how he couldn’t make that promise so he kissed him again and again until his heart went numb.

How they had mapped each other’s faces and bodies with fingers and lips, desperate for something to hold on to – a memory that they wouldn’t lose, a promise of something more that time, thief that it was, stole from them in those last minutes.

How he had to say goodbye to BB-8, whose sad beeps broke him worse than Poe’s desperation.

Even if he wanted to tell her, he had no words for it.

She couldn’t tell him how well she understood. She only nodded and said, “Get acquainted with the ship.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

Munro, Mairi’s Togruta executive officer, walked past, shoving into her. “Geez, Cap, get outta the way.” He winked as he said it.

Mairi slapped the back of his head. She turned back to Finn as Munro sauntered away. “No ma’ams here, kid. There’s a chain of command, sure, but we’re a family and once we get out there, you’re it. You’re in charge.” She pointed to the door at the back of the ship’s control center. “Go talk to Zeva. She’ll get you set up with your gear.”

The control center’s consoles glowed with schematics of the ship. Finn slowed down to give it a look as he walked past. Crew quarters took up most of the two decks below them, though officer quarters were the deck above. A med bay and mess hall shared a deck with engineering, which spanned into the bottom deck next to the docking bay. For a ship that seemed relatively small on the outside, it managed to put a lot in that space.

He walked to the supply office, the door sliding open at his approach. He’d not had the opportunity to speak to the supply officer. An older Twi’lek woman, she exuded a quiet grace and energy that stilled everything around her. She had not practiced at the range when he was there but, from what others said, she was one of the deadliest sharpshooters on the team.

“Hello, Finn,” Zeva said without looking up from her work. “Mairi sent you?”

“Yes m – yes, she did,” Finn replied, catching himself.

Zeva did look up then, her eyes twinkling. “She said you would be joining us. Picked to lead B team.” She rose from her desk. “Quite an honor for one so young.” She motioned for him to follow her. “I have quite a lot for you so I’ll send most of it to your quarters once we’ve taken off.” 

The list of supplies was longer than Finn expected but the majority of the gear was specialized. Zeva showed him his armor, not a suit like he was used to but individual pieces that covered important parts on top of a synthetic fabric that could still stop most blasters and allowed for good movement. Zeva informed him it absorbed some light to aid in stealth should he need it on night missions. Thankfully, there was no helmet, nothing to confine him. He couldn’t have worn it. 

She laid three blasters and a set of knives and two longer blades on the table. “Cap believes her troops should be prepared for anything,” Zeva informed him as he examined the weapons. 

“Smart,” Finn commented. “Considering we could be walking into anything.”

She hummed in agreement. “Familiarize yourself with these. They’re yours now.”

The rest of their interaction was limited to her handing him his casual wear: slacks, shirts, boots.

He thanked her and spent the last few minutes before takeoff trying to find his quarters. 

An engineering tech on her way below deck pointed him in the right direction after saluting and calling him sir more times than necessary.

He searched down the narrow hallway for the number of his room. Though he didn’t have the time to reflect on having his own space in his rush to dress and return to the control center, in the back of his mind he knew the silence would eat at him.

“All officers, report to the bridge.”

When Finn arrived, Mairi and the other officers, among them Zeva and Munro, stood around the display. He joined them as Kaydel’s voice came over the intercom. 

“ _Firebird,_ you are clear for launch. Opening hangar doors.”

The General spoke over the ship powering up. “Your primary objective is search and rescue. Find our guys and bring them home.”

Mairi replied, “Copy that, General.”

“Good luck.”

Underneath the General’s voice, and most likely not heard by anyone else, was Poe also wishing them good luck. Or was he just wishing Finn good luck?

Finn bowed his head, the memory of his last moments with Poe far too fresh in his mind. He refused to cry on the bridge but, once the ship had blasted off planet and was comfortably in hyperspace, and the officers dismissed, he retreated to his quarters, collapsed onto his bed and sobbed.

The silence of the ship drove him crazy, the sounds he’d grown used to – the hum of the lights, the general thrum of hundreds or thousands of people, even Poe’s breathing – painfully absent. 

Nothing smelled right either. He couldn’t pinpoint when he started considering anything that smelled like Poe a comfort but having a freshly laundered uniform, sheets that smelled faintly of bacta and antiseptic, and the tang of metal in the recycled air left Finn more homesick than he’d ever been.

Mairi interrupted his thoughts, her voice over the intercom slightly tinny. “Finn, message coming in for you. It’s Rey.”

He crawled off the bed and pressed the button to turn on the communicator.

Rey’s face brightened his quarters. “Hello, Finn. How are you?” She took in his tear-stained face. “What’s wrong?”

He told her. If anyone could understand, she would.

Her face twisted in sympathy when he mentioned Poe. “Poor Poe, he must be sick with worry. First his pilots, then you.”

“I couldn’t not go, Rey,” he protested. “Not when I know I can help.”

“I know,” she assured him. “And Poe knows. But he’s had a bad few weeks since you first met. He cares about you, a lot – it would break his heart to lose you.”

Finn buried his face in his hands. “How am I supposed to lead a team to rescue these people when I -?”

“When all you want to do is go back and never let him go?” she finished, her gaze soft. 

“Something like that,” he muttered.

Rey reached out, her holographic hand passing through Finn’s shoulder. “Where are you heading?”

Finn glanced up. “What?”

“Where are you heading?” she repeated. “Chewie and I will come help.”

He typed in the coordinates to the computer. “We should be there by tomorrow afternoon.”

She scanned them as they came through on the Falcon’s computer. “That’s not far from here. We could rendezvous with you.” She bounced with nervous energy as she waited for his answer.

“You know I’ll never turn you down,” Finn replied, feeling himself smile. “Besides, I owe you a hug.”

She whooped. “I’ll be right back.” 

The room fell dark as she disconnected and the hologram vanished.

Finn tapped his fingers against the metal desk until her face reappeared.

Her grin was infectious. “Master Luke gave us permission to leave. So I guess we’ll see you soon.”

Chewie roared in the background and Rey smiled even wider. “Chewie says he’ll be glad to see you too.”

When Finn closed the hologram, his heart was lighter than it had been all day.

He found Mairi in the mess hall scarfing down a ration bar and told her the news.

“We’re getting a Force wielder and a Wookie?” Mairi threw her head back and laughed. “Hell, we might make it through this after all.”

They spent the next few hours planning the rendezvous and dividing the crew up into two teams. 

Mairi ensured both Rey and Chewie were on Finn’s team. She also assigned to his team Zeva, two bomb techs: a Dug and a Pau’an – neither of which had pronounceable names, and Kadin, the tech Finn had worked with when Poe was on his mission. “I’ll have them join you in the supply office in an hour so you can run through mission data and combat scenarios.”

“Thanks, Cap.”

Mairi grinned. “See? You’re learning.”

***

Mairi flopped onto her couch in her quarters. “You need to work on your sneaking skills, Munro,” she spoke to the shadows.

Munro stepped into the light and joined her. “This mission is rotten. You get that?”

She leaned back and let her head rest against the back of the couch. “I have been hunting the leak for months. They’re behind this. I know it.” She closed her eyes. “This is the first time the General’s backed us. She’s rattled.”

“What about the stormtrooper?”

She shook her head. “He’s clean. He’s friends with the scavenger and the Wookie and for all that I’ll say love is blind, Dameron’s not an idiot. He’s a damn good judge of character so if he trusts Finn, we should too.”

“Dameron obviously trusts the leak though,” Munro pointed out.

She rolled her eyes. “That’s the rub, isn’t it? Don’t we all?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this ended up being far more plot heavy and less Finn/Poe angsty than I intended. And there were quite a few new characters to bring in. It's going to be a bumpy ride from here though so buckle up.


End file.
